The Vile Village: Book the Seventh (A Series of Unfortunate Events)

The Vile Village: Book the Seventh (A Series of Unfortunate Events)


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Dear Reader,

You have undoubtedly picked up this book by mistake, so please put it down. Nobody in their right mind would read this particular book about the lives of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire on purpose, because each dismal moment of their stay in the village of V.F.D. has been faithfully and dreadfully recorded in these pages.

I can think of no single reason why anyone would want to open a book containing such unpleasant matters as migrating crows, an angry mob, a newspaper headline, the arrest of innocent people, the Deluxe Cell, and some very strange hats. It is my solemn and sacred occupation to research each detail of the Baudelaire children's lives and write them all down, but you may prefer to do some other solemn and sacred thing, such as reading another book instead.

With all due respect,

Lemony Snicket

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780064408653
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 04/24/2001
Series: A Series of Unfortunate Events
Pages: 272
Sales rank: 50,398
Product dimensions: 5.10(w) x 7.10(h) x 1.10(d)
Lexile: 1080L (what's this?)
Age Range: 9 - 12 Years

About the Author

Lemony Snicket had an unusual education which may or may not explain his ability to evade capture. He is the author of the 13 volumes in A Series of Unfortunate Events, several picture books including The Dark, and the books collectively titled All The Wrong Questions.

Brett Helquist's celebrated art has graced books from the charming Bedtime for Bear, which he also wrote, to the New York Times–bestselling A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket to the glorious picture book adaptation of Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol. He lives with his family in Brooklyn, New York.

Michael Kupperman has done many illustrations for such publications as Fortune, The New Yorker, and The New York Times. He frequently writes scripts for DC Comics. This is his first book.


Snicket is something of a nomad. Handler lives in San Francisco, California.

Date of Birth:

February 28, 1970

Place of Birth:

Handler was born in San Francisco in 1970, and says Snicket's family has roots in a land that's now underwater.


Handler is a 1992 graduate of Wesleyan University in Connecticut.

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don't read is often as important as what you do read. For instance, if you are walking in the mountains, and you don't read the sign that says "Beware of Cliff" because you are busy reading a joke book instead, you may suddenly find yourself walking on air rather than on a sturdy bed of rocks. If you are baking a pie for your friends, and you read an article entitled "How to Build a Chair" instead of a cookbook, your pie will probably end up tasting like wood and nails instead of like crust and fruity filling. And if you insist on reading this book instead of something more cheerful, you will most certainly find yourself moaning in despair instead of wriggling in delight, so if you have any sense at all you will put this book down and pick up another one. I know of a book, for instance, called The Littlest Elf, which tells the story of a teensy-weensy little man who scurries around Fairyland having all sorts of adorable adventures, and you can see at once that you should probably read The Littlest Elf and wriggle over the lovely things that happened to this imaginary creature in a made-up place, instead of reading this book and moaning over the terrible things that happened to the three Baudelaire orphans in the village where I am now typing these very words. The misery, woe, and treachery contained in the pages of this book are so dreadful that it is important that you don't read any more of it than you already have.

The Baudelaire orphans, at the time this story begins, were certainly wishing that they weren't reading the newspaper that was in front of their eyes. A newspaper, as I'm sure you know, is a collection of supposedly true stories written down by writers who either saw them happen or talked to people who did. These writers are called journalists, and like telephone operators, butchers, ballerinas, and people who clean up after horses, journalists can sometimes make mistakes. This was certainly the case with the front page of the morning edition of The Daily Punctilio, which the Baudelaire children were reading in the office of Mr. Poe. "twins captured by count omar," the headline read, and the three siblings looked at one another in amazement over the mistakes that The Daily Punctilio's journalists had made.

"'Duncan and Isadora Quagmire,'" Violet read out loud, "'twin children who are the only known surviving members of the Quagmire family, have been kidnapped by the notorious Count Omar. Omar is wanted by the police for a variety of dreadful crimes, and is easily recognized by his one long eyebrow, and the tattoo of an eye on his left ankle. Omar has also kidnapped Esme Squalor, the city's sixth most important financial advisor, for reasons unknown.' Ugh!" The word "Ugh!" was not in the newspaper, of course, but was something Violet uttered herself as a way of saying she was too disgusted to read any further. "If I invented something as sloppily as this newspaper writes its stories," she said, "it would fall apart immediately." Violet, who at fourteen was the eldest Baudelaire child, was an excellent inventor, and spent a great deal of time with her hair tied up in a ribbon to keep it out of her eyes as she thought of new mechanical devices.

"And if I read books as sloppily," Klaus said, "I wouldn't remember one single fact." Klaus, the middle Baudelaire, had read more books than just about anyone his own age, which was almost thirteen. At many crucial moments, his sisters had relied on him to remember a helpful fact from a book he had read years before.

"Krechin!" Sunny said. Sunny, the youngest Baudelaire, was a baby scarcely larger than a watermelon. Like many infants, Sunny often said words that were difficult to understand, like "Krechin!" which meant something along the lines of "And if I used my four big teeth to bite something as sloppily, I wouldn't even leave one toothmark!"

Violet moved the paper closer to one of the reading lamps Mr. Poe had in his office, and began to count the errors that had appeared in the few sentences she had read. "For one thing," she said, "the Quagmires aren't twins. They're triplets. The fact that their brother perished in the fire that killed their parents doesn't change their birth identity."

"Of course it doesn't," Klaus agreed. "And they were kidnapped by Count Olaf, not Omar. It's difficult enough that Olaf is always in disguise, but now the newspaper has disguised his name, too."

"Em!" Sunny added, and her siblings nodded. The youngest Baudelaire was talking about the part of the article that mentioned Esme Squalor. Esme and her husband, Jerome, had recently been the Baudelaires' guardians, and the children had seen with their own eyes that Esme had not been kidnapped by Count Olaf. Esme had secretly helped Olaf with his evil scheme, and had escaped with him at the last minute.

"And 'for reasons unknown' is the biggest mistake of all," Violet said glumly. "The reasons aren't unknown. We know them. We know the reasons Esme, Count Olaf, and all of Olaf's associates have done so many terrible things. It's because they're terrible people." Violet put down The Daily Punctilio, looked around Mr. Poe's office, and joined her siblings in a sad, deep sigh. The Baudelaire orphans were sighing not only for the things they had read, but for the things they hadn't read. The article had not mentioned that both the Quagmires and the Baudelaires had lost their parents in terrible fires, and that both sets of parents had left enormous fortunes behind, and that Count Olaf had cooked up all of his evil plans just to get ahold of these fortunes for himself...

Table of Contents

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The Vile Village: Book the Seventh (A Series of Unfortunate Events) 4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 123 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love this series! This book made me cry so you have been warned
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is totaly being recommended to all nook readers!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is so good! I'd sugggest buying and reading the books befor this one first!!Plus theres tons of action!! Final recap good book, read# 1,2,3,4,5,&6, plus tons of action!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Lemony Snicket's work is amazing. The suspense when Olaf finds them and (as usual) in a disguise, the shocking reveal of his theater troupe, the intelligence of children (Violet, Klaus, and Sunny) and sooo much more I can't list with only over 3000 words. I recommend this series for everyone to read especially for children. ^_^ -Serena
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I recently purchased this book and in 3 days I finished it!! It was so good. I highly recommend you check it out and read it. This book is appropriate for children. I would highly recommend this for children.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is so awsome you should tottle read the hole seied!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:):):):):););):)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
In my opinion, this book was a little lacking. I missed the excitement, but i'll have to admit theres not to much to do with the baudalaires doing someone elses chores, eating mexican food, and finding poems from their kiddnapped friends. Please dont miss out on the series, though! Mr.snickets style and humor are compleatley irresistable, and readers should be most grateful that he played up the charm and made a somewhat uneventful book entertaining.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Ya'll this book is off the hook.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I have already read this book but its ao good why not read it agian
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Is awesome this book is probably the most confusing of them so far but i really like da series :D
ElizabethSylvester 9 months ago
This whole series is absolutely amazing. I've read all 7 of them and I plan on reading the rest of the series. Many may believe the series might die or become very repetitive, as many series do, however, Lemony Snicket continues to keep the reader interested and wanting to read the book. His storytelling, writing ability, and overall sarcasm can keep you reading for hours and dread putting the book down. Because the series is for people of all ages, it is a great book for just about everyone that enjoys the thrills, mystery, and love when reading. The bond the siblings share is certainly different than most kids their age, well because of the tragedy that tore their family apart. They never fail to warm your heart and make you wish you were there with them through it all. The horrors they endure, the adventures they seek, and their many ways of outsmarting count Olaf could make anyone absolutely fall in love with every one of the characters. They desperately search every possible lead they can find to try and get reconnected to their triplet (sort of) friends; the Quagmires; and they will show you the true meaning of friendship because they are willing to give up everything, throw themselves into danger, and even almost lose their lives, to save their best friends. What is the point of the book though? Is it really worth reading? Yes. The Baudelaires make the point clear to the reader that maybe allowing the entire village raise them, probably isn't the best idea. In fact, the Baudelaires were finding their friends and escaping from jail all to help their friends out. They pretty much pass on the message that working together is better. They need each other to rely on when they are having a hard time and that's an important life lesson for anyone, because that's what friends are for. The message it send is certainly one to take to heart. This book is certainly one to read and i highly recommend it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is so awsome I am going to pee my pants#!!! I totaly want you to read this book it is pretty sad but they always catch olaf. I hope that you read this book.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I think this series is awsome!!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Im going to tell you that count olaf have a girl friend you know esme they are know togther mabey forever
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I think that this book was amazing! It was a great book!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Honstly I'v read books 1-7 and i cant get enough
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Shove it up your a$$
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I may not be Maceys boyfriend but i am close one and i can tell you from personal experience that she is one of the best friends ive got. Theres only two people ive ever met on here that rival her. She may have done some bad things but she is a good person. Trust me. People think im a goodie two shoes but im worse than everyone.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I have a prob
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Real mature.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Hi! Please ask me or my amazing assistant for any advice on bulloes friends or dating! @#Fierce
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Jaggerfastfeet can still help you im not cutting in but i just wanted to get sothing out.. you have a boyfriend to stay loyal to. Your ex is your ex. Your over with him. Stay with our boyfriend. Dont dump him for your ex. Trust me. Bad ideah. Just stay loyal to your boyfriend -a friend