To the Nines (Stephanie Plum Series #9)

To the Nines (Stephanie Plum Series #9)

by Janet Evanovich

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Overview

The #1 New York Times Bestselling Author

A Stephanie Plum Novel

Janet Evanovich's novels are the hottest bestsellers in America!

# 1 New York Times

# 1 Wall Street Journal

#1 Los Angeles Times

#1 Entertainment Weekly

#1 Publishers Weekly

Stephanie Plum's got rent to pay, people shooting at her, and psychos wanting her dead every day of the week (much to the dismay of her mother, her family, the men in her life, the guy who slices meat at the deli . . . oh, the list goes on). An ordinary person would cave under the pressure.

But hey, she's from Jersey.

Stephanie Plum may not be the best bounty hunter in beautiful downtown Trenton, but she's pretty darn good at turning bad situations her way . . . and she always gets her man. In To the Nines, her cousin Vinnie (who's also her boss) has posted bail on Samuel Singh, an illegal immigrant. When the elusive Mr. Singh goes missing, Stephanie is on the case. But what she uncovers is far more sinister than anyone imagines and leads to a group of killers who give new meaning to the word hunter.

In a race against time that takes her from the Jersey Turnpike to the Vegas Strip, Stephanie Plum is on the chase of her life. The unforgettable characters, nonstop action, high-stakes suspense, and sheer entertainment of To the Nines define Janet Evanovich as unique among today's writers.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780312991463
Publisher: St. Martin's Press
Publication date: 06/01/2004
Series: Stephanie Plum Series , #9
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 352
Sales rank: 57,018
Product dimensions: 4.24(w) x 6.85(h) x 0.94(d)

About the Author

Janet Evanovich is the #1 bestselling author of the Stephanie Plum novels, including Hard Eight, Seven Up, and Visions of Sugar Plums. She lives in New Hampshire.


Lorelei King has recorded over 200 audiobooks, including several titles from Janet Evanovich's bestselling Stephanie Plum series and Darynda Jones's Charley Davidson series. Her many awards include the 2008 Audie Award for Female Solo Narration for Tallgrass by Sandra Dallas, the Radio Times performer of the Year for The Blind Assassin by Margaret Atwood, and AudioFile Earphones Awards for Eleven on Top and Twelve Sharp, both by Janet Evanovich. AudioFile also deemed her one of the "Best Voices of 2008."

Hometown:

Hanover, New Hampshire

Date of Birth:

April 22, 1943

Place of Birth:

South River, New Jersey

Education:

B.A., Douglass College, 1965

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1, PART 1

My name is Stephanie Plum and I was born and raised in the Chambersburg section of Trenton where men pretty much only drop their drawers in private. Thank God for small favors because the top activities for men in the Burg are scarfing pastries and pork rinds and growing ass hair. The pastry and pork rind scarfing I've seen first hand. The ass hair growing is for the most part rumor.

The first butt I saw up close and personal belonged to Joe Morelli. Morelli put an end to my virgin status and showed me an ass that was masculine perfection ...smooth and muscular and blemish free. Back then Morelli thought a long term commitment was twenty minutes. I was one of thousands who got to admire Morelli's bare ass as he pulled his pants up and headed for the door.

Morelli's been in and out of my life since then. He's currently in and he's improved with age, butt included.

So the sight of a naked ass isn't exactly new to me, but the one I was presently watching took the cake. Punky Balog had an ass like Winnie the Pooh ...big and fat and furry. Sad to say, that was where the similarity ended because, unlike Pooh bear, there was nothing endearing or cuddly about Punky Balog.

I knew about Punky's ass because I was in my new sunshine yellow Ford Escape, sitting across from Punky's dilapidated row house, and Punky had his huge Pooh butt plastered against his second story window. My sometimes partner, Lula, was riding shotgun for me and Lula and I were staring up at the butt in open mouthed horror.

Punky slid his butt side to side on the pane and Lula and I gave a collective, upper lip curled back eeyeuuw!

"Think he knows we're out here," Lula said. "Think maybe he's trying to tell us something."

Lula and I work for my bail bonds agent cousin, Vincent Plum. Vinnie's office is on Hamilton Avenue, his front window looking into the Burg. He's not the world's best bonds agent. And he's not the worst. Truth is, he'd probably be a better bondsman if he wasn't saddled with Lula and me. I do fugitive apprehension for Vinnie and I have a lot more luck than skill. Lula mostly does filing. Lula hasn't got luck or skill. The thing Lula has going for her is the ability to tolerate Vinnie. Lula's a plus size black woman in a size seven white world and Lula's had a lot of practice at pulling attitude.

Punky turned and gave us a wave with his Johnson.

"That's just so sad," Lula said. "What do men think of? If you had a lumpy little wanger like that would you go waving it in public?"

Punky was dancing now, jumping around, wanger flopping, doodles bouncing.

"Holy crap," Lula said. "He's gonna rupture something."

"It's gotta be uncomfortable."

"I'm glad we forgot the binoculars. I wouldn't want to see this up close."

I didn't even want to see it from a distance.

"When I was a 'ho I used to keep myself from getting grossed out by pretending men's privates were Muppets," Lula said. "This guy looks like an anteater Muppet. See the little tuft of hair on the anteater head and then there's the thing the anteater snuffs up ants with... Except ol' Punky here's gotta get real close to the ants on account of his snuffer isn't real big. Punky's got a pinky."

Lula was a 'ho in a previous life. One night while plying her trade she had a near death experience and decided to change everything but her wardrobe. Not even a near death experience could get Lula out of spandex. She was currently wearing a skin tight hot pink mini-skirt and a tiger print top that made her boobs look like big round over-inflated balloons. It was early June and mid-morning and the Jersey air wasn't cooking yet, so Lula had a yellow angora sweater over the tiger top.

"Hold on," Lula said. "I think his snuffer is growing."

This produced another eeyeuuw from us.

"Maybe I should shoot him," Lula said.

"No shooting!" I felt the need to discourage Lula from hauling out her Glock, but truth was, it seemed like it'd be a public service to take a potshot at Punky.

"How bad do we want this guy?" Lula asked.

"If I don't bring him in, I don't get paid. If I don't get paid, I don't have rent money. If I don't have rent money, I get kicked out of my apartment and have to move in with my parents."

"So we want him real bad."

"Real bad."

"And he's wanted for what?"

"Grand theft auto."

"At least it's not armed robbery. I'm gonna be hoping the only weapon he's got, he's holding in his hand right now ...on account of this don't look like much of a threat to me."

"I guess we should go do it."

"I'm ready to rock and roll," Lula said. "I'm ready to kick some Punky butt. I'm ready to do the job."

I turned the key in the ignition. "I'm going to drop you at the corner so you can cut through the back and take the back door. Make sure you have your walkie talkie on so I can let you know when I'm coming in."

"Roger, that."

"And no shooting, no breaking doors down, no Dirty Harry imitations."

"You can count on me."

Three minutes later, Lula reported she was in place. I parked the Escape two houses down, walked to Punky's front door and rang the bell. No one responded so I rang a second time. I gave the door a solid rap with my fist and shouted bond enforcement. Open the door.

I heard shouting carrying over from the back yard, a door crashing open and slamming shut and then more muffled shouting. I called Lula on the talkie but got no response. A moment later the front door opened to the house next to me and Lula stomped out.

"Hey, so excuse me," she yelled at the woman behind her. "So I got the wrong door. It could happen, you know. We're under a lot of pressure when we're making these dangerous apprehensions."

Copyright © 2003 by Evanovich, Inc.

Customer Reviews

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To the Nines (Stephanie Plum Series #9) 4.4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 576 reviews.
risuena More than 1 year ago
I was getting disappointed with the last few books; it was starting to get boring. Obviously, the author's got a formula for this series, and I keep reading to find out which guy Stephanie's going to end up with and for the laughs. The difference in the books now come down to the delivery, not so much the plot, characters, nor originality. To my surprise, this book saves the series again. It's interesting, reminds me of CSI or Castle, very funny, and gets you worked up on Stephanie's love life. It leaves you finding the next one in the series to read.
Christy Jenkins More than 1 year ago
I laughed out loud so many times. This book was very sexy. I cannot wait to read the next one!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is one of those books that you don't want to stop reading. Highly recommended.
johnpaulgeorge More than 1 year ago
I like all of Janet Evanovich's books with Stephanie Plum as the main character. I do NOT like murder/mystery books, but this series is FUNNY!
eyevezmagic More than 1 year ago
I love Janet Evonovich's books, but I really love the Stepanie Plum series, sometimes I find myself laughing out loud. Her antics and the characters around her are great and the men in her life are hot... what more could you want. The excitement of not knowing when the next bad guy will come after her, never knowing which man she will actually end up with and her grandma makes comments that you would never hear from my gram... the books always leave me wanting more and I can't wait for the next one.
Sami88 More than 1 year ago
** spoiler alert ** Again another really comforting joyful read. Stephanie is in charge of finding a guy that Vinnie wrote a Visa Bond for. Of course we all know that at some point Stephanie is going to stumble upon a mess and get into trouble. Usually requiring the back up of the most of the not so helpful Lula, Ranger, and Joe.  Valerie is driving her family insane and about to give birth. Their father is in the process of moving out, because he cannot handle everyone at home, their mom is hanging on, and Grandma is drinking. Which we all know is never good and can only lead to trouble. Stephanie gives up her apartment to Valerie to help her parents out and kinda sort of moves in with Joe. For awhile they are getting along until insecurities rise up. Surprisingly though Stephanie makes it through the whole book without leaving Joes house because of an argument.  The bad guy for this one actually sort of surprised me. I knew the guy she thought was behind the flowers was not Bart but I honestly thought it could have been Andrew. Who knew it would be Clyde right??? Well, Stephanie joins up with Lula and Connie to search for the missing Bond guy in Vegas. Connie and Lula stay out all night, Lula lost money and is consuming huge amounts of meat, Connie lost her shoes and has a picture that leads her to believe she married and Elvis impersonator. Stephanie finds her guy (the police actually do and he's dead), but She finds the dog and can't wait to bring him home.  This again was another really good book.
1633JC33 More than 1 year ago
As a huge fan of all of the Stephanie Plum novels, I highly recommend this one! It's exciting, it's sexy, and in my opinion, it's the best one yet!
Bookworm1951 More than 1 year ago
This is the best in the series so far. However, just like another reviewer, I'd like to take Stephanie and ask her "girl, what are you doing?" She really needs to get out of the crime business. She's so inept. While the plot was very similar to the earlier books, this one actually had a mystery intertwined. It wasn't easy to figure out until about 3/4 of the way through. Still lots of humor but if you've read the series from book one, this aspect is also getting old. Same old, same old things happen. Many of the authors descriptions and phrases are also duplicated from other earlier books. The author needs to move the plot re: Stephanie and her personal life along.
precious1pb More than 1 year ago
As always I was not disappointed. Easy reading and enjoyable.
DAA81 More than 1 year ago
Janet Evanovich is a great author with her different series of books. You get to know the characters and you feel like you can actually see them and relate to them. I totally enjoy reading her stories.
PeanutsRC More than 1 year ago
I like her books because they have both humor and mystery. Good read.
CLCS More than 1 year ago
Exciting, funny, and lots of twist and turns of events. Humorous and hilarious characters. Once you start reading this book you won't want to quit reading it. Loved every minute of this book and many other books wrote by Janet Evanovich.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love all the books. They are the best.
DivaDeluxe More than 1 year ago
All her Stephanie Plum books are fantastic. This one included
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Ive yet to find anything I dont like in this deries
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Love this series
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
If you are a Stephanie Plum fan, this book will not disappoint. Very quick reading - good for relaxing and when you just want to "get away from it all".
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I just love Stephanie Plumb and the crew! Never a dull moment.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love all of these books keeps you wanting more.
bmamca36 3 months ago
Anonymous 4 months ago
Stephanie is now my fave heroine!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
loved+it.++had+some+funny+parts.
sdbookhound on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Another fun adventure with Stephanie. For once there was not a cliffhanger. I'm still interested to see how her relationship with Ranger and Joe progresses.
AlisonsBookMarks on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Stephanie's new sunshine yellow Ford Escape doesn't get blown up - but the body count is unusually high in the ninth installment of Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series.To The Nines brings us out west to Las Vegas where the girls - Stephenie, Lula, and Connie - track down a new kind of FTA, one for a Visa Bond. Unfortunately, he is a player in a deadly web game, where the bullets are real and the players kill one another off in order to find out who their final target is. Morelli and Ranger work double time trying to protect Stephanie, and keeping every hair on her head safe might not be realistic this time. Did I mention Lula's on a diet?!?In my opinion, To The Nines was missing something. Maybe it needed a trip to Silva's Funeral Home. Maybe it needed more family dinners with Grandma Mazur. I'm not sure. We still had Morelli. We still had Ranger. Plenty of people were still breaking into Steph's apartment. Most importantly, there was still plenty of action and one-liners!Here are a few of my favorites:"Lula was a ho in a previous life. One night while plying her trade she had a near-death experience and decided to change everything but her wardrobe. Not even a near-death experience could get Lula out of spandex."The review wouldn't be complete without a great line about New Jersey and all her glory:"Fancy-pants wimps in L.A. rated their pollution and curtailed activity. In Jersey we just call it AIR and get on with life. If you're born in Jersey, you know how to rise to a challenge. Bring on the Mob. Bring on bad air. Bring on taxes and obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and macaroni at every meal. Nothing defeats us in Jersey."AMEN, sister!To all my friends in New Jersey: if you haven't started reading this series yet, you're missing out on a great time. These books are my candy, and I absolutely love them! Throw the first book, One for the Money, into your beach bag this summer, you'll be thanking me before it's time to reapply your sunblock!
les121 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Pretty much on the same level as the last book (see my review for Hard Eight). It¿s got a so-so plot, but quite a few hilarious moments. I almost peed my pants laughing in the very first chapter when Stephanie has to go after an FTA who calls himself ¿the Vaseline man.¿ Another extreme laugh attack occurred when Valerie goes into labor and her water breaks, splashing all over one of Ranger¿s tough, macho bodyguards. Stephanie is back with Morelli and has some amusing encounters with his Grandma Bella, but I¿m still feeling rather ambivalent about the series¿ romantic relationships. The Morelli situation seems too good to last, and Evanovich is probably going to throw a wrench into it, forcing Stephanie back into Ranger¿s arms - rinse and repeat. But To the Nines is still a fun, hilarious, and entertaining story, and I¿m undoubtedly going to keep reading the series.