For all the people who believe they are this ‘sort of person’, and wonder why, with some types of people, in certain situations, they become someone else? This pithy little book is for you.
I know myself I’ve suddenly sworn at another car driver, when usually I’m a polite person. And I can remember when I got nervous in front a crowd, when normally I’m a confident person. We all do this in different ways. One moment we’re being our usual selves, the next moment we’re over or under reacting in ways that hinder, rather than help us.
So here’s the good news. You’re not always like this are you? And that’s the point, it’s only a ‘Part’ of you, not all of you. Indeed, this book will gently guide you to experience first-hand the Parts that live within you. Part of you is reading this book right now, whilst another Part is probably thinking about all the other things you could be doing. Most of us live our lives unaware of which Part of us is taking the lead at any one particular time.
Now if all of this talk about Parts seems overly complicated and chaotic, then you’ll be relieved to discover that at the core of each of us is a ‘Self.’ Most people know their ‘Self’ as that extra calm and clarity you get when your ‘in the zone’, ‘communing with nature’ or meditating. In this book, you’ll have the opportunity to reconnect with your Self and re-establish your Self as the leader of your inner Parts. This shift in viewing your inner world as comprising ‘Self’ and ‘Parts’ is seismic and thus transformational. You can count on some Parts of you being skeptical. I invite you to welcome all of your inner Parts to get involved as you read this book.
You’ll also notice that this book is written in the first person using an intimate voice that’s aimed to speak from your own personal inner experience. It’s intended to guide you on your daily Self Led meditation. A place you can go in your busy life to grow your relationship with your Self and your inner Parts, anywhere, anytime.
Each page has so few words, you can take your time reading each word. The slower the better. Also, the pages are intended to be read in pairs. On the left-hand side page, you’ll read poem-like accounts and instructions on how you can grow your Self Leadership. If that’s too abstract, then you’ll find an example on the right-hand side page. In our success obsessed Western culture, I’ve chosen an example of a person who has Parts that are driven to succeed, and yet remembers the discomfort of failing and fears failing again.
For those of you who read the whole book, you’ll go on a journey of Self Leadership that was created by Richard Schwart. Thank you Dick. For in truth, if we struggle with our Parts, we will struggle with the people important to us. And that makes life a struggle.
So I hope you enjoy reawakening your Self and transforming your relationships with your Parts and the people around you. Because with a team of Self Led Parts within you, you’ll find your life flows and fulfills. Here’s to contributing to a Self Led World of curiosity, compassion, courage, creativity and confidence.
About the Author
Through his research and 30 years plus experience, Dave noticed that even really capable leaders had moments, when despite knowing what they 'should' be doing, they still persisted with less effective behaviours that added stress, strained their relationships and restricted their results.
So David looked at those moments and discovered that there was a fleeting moment of discomfort, which as tiny and as subtle as it was, had the power to make these highly capable people baulk at doing what they knew would have been more effective. The term most people used to describe what was happening in these moments was that they were running into their 'comfort zones.'
Knowing this, David tested and refined a way of coaching leaders that enabled them to identify and clear their 'Leadership Comfort Zones'. In the process, Dave has enabled hundreds of leaders to literally make millions, and just as importantly, live richer lives with their families and friends.
In 2016, Dave read the book, The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van der Kolk. It's here that Dave started his journey of understanding and applying Dick Schwartz's approach to Self Leadership. He realized that what he had been doing with his Comfort Zone Coaching was actually identifying what Schwartz called, inner 'Parts.' In particular, the Parts that his clients were uncomfortable with. By enabling his clients to step back from their Parts, Dave learnt that his coaching had been enabling people to lead from a place that Schwartz calls 'Self'.
'Self' is that core sense of calm clarity within you that has the potential to lead the internal resources of your Parts with curiosity, compassion, courage, confidence and creativity. It's a presence that empowers any person to handle the highs and lows of life with greater ease and effectiveness. I'm very grateful to Dick Schwartz for providing such an insightful framework that so accurately and simply explains the way us humans experience our inner and outer worlds.
So this book aims to enable you to be even more Self Led. And if through your example, others are inspired to learn and become more Self Led as well, then it is Dave's hope that in some small way, this book contributes to the evolution of an even more Self Led World.
Table of Contents
About This Book
About The Author
Noticing My Parts Now
Parts Of Me Remember
Parts That Doubt
My Self Experienced
Talking For My Parts
Personal Integrity And My Parts
S.I.F.T.’ing My Parts
Treating Your Parts as People
Respecting My Parts
The Most Powerful Question
My Exile Parts
My Protector Parts
My Manager Parts
My Fire Fighter Parts
The Self Leadership Model
Gaining My Protectors’ Permission
Are My Parts Aware Of My Self?
Updating My Exiles
Witnessing My Exiles
Re-parenting My Exiles
Retrieving My Exiles
Locating My Exile’s Burdens
Unburdening My Exiles
Reclaiming Disowned Qualities
Transforming My Protectors
Unburdening My Protectors
The Self Leadership Road Map