The Gutfeld Monologues: Classic Rants from The Five

The Gutfeld Monologues: Classic Rants from The Five

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A dynamic and annotated collection of Fox News star and New York Times bestselling author Greg Gutfeld's sharp, hilarious monologues on everything from politics to pop culture-updated with new commentary for the current day

"Wherever I go, I am hit repeatedly by the same question: where can I read your monologues? It should be easy to find these little nuggets of knowledge."

Well, now it is.

In the past few years, Fox News host Greg Gutfeld has covered everything from crazed academics and unhinged celebrities to the wildest election in recent history on his shows The Five and The Greg Gutfeld Show. In The Gutfeld Monologues, he brings together his best and favorite monologues in this funny, unconventional collection for new and longtime fans alike. Updated with annotations, 20/20 hindsight, and up-to-the-minute commentary on what he got wrong, this book isn't your grandmother's anthology collection.

With his signature humor, wit, and insight, Greg explains it all in this memorable collection about some of our country's most crucial-and not so crucial-modern moments.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781508278177
Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio
Publication date: 07/31/2018
Edition description: Unabridged
Sales rank: 445,611
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 1.50(h) x 5.00(d)

About the Author

Greg Gutfeld is a New York Times bestselling author, a satirist, humorist, magazine editor, and blogger. He is the host of The Greg Gutfeld Show and co-host of The Five on Fox News. Prior to joining FOX, Gutfeld was editor of Men’s Health magazine. He later became editor of Stuff, helmed Maxim magazine in the United Kingdom, and was a contributor to Huffington Post. Gutfeld lives in New York City with his wife.

Read an Excerpt

The Gutfeld Monologues
Now and Then, and All the Crap in Between
It’s a humbling experience to have written a book called How to be Right, and to then begin a new book by explaining how I got something wrong.

That something was, more precisely, the election of Donald Trump.

Granted, nearly every other living breathing human being got the 2016 election wrong. Hell, even Donald Trump himself wasn’t planning on winning, according to some sources. But I assumed Hillary had it wrapped up—as did Hillary herself, judging by her lethargic behavior. Instead of hitting the places that mattered, she chose to nosh with the most elite, out-of-touch person of them all, Gwyneth Paltrow—which is the equivalent of making out with fruit bats during a rabies outbreak.

But yes, I was wrong on the election.

But oddly right about it, too. How is that possible?

First, because I’m the one writing the book here. When you write a book—it’s absolutely amazing how right you can be, after the fact, about everything!

Note to young writers: The key to becoming a bestselling author is to never write something BEFORE something happens; always after. Good example: the Bible.

Second, I was exactly right on the issues that set the table for the most dramatic, surprising political story since Tracy Flick beat Paul Metzler by one vote at George Washington Carver High School in 1997. (Look it up.) For the past five to six years, on the hit television show The Five, I would deliver a monologue on the issue that I found most important on that particular day. In that monologue, I’d address why that issue was important, break it down, and offer, if not a solution, at least a new way to look at it—which is a solution in itself!

On rare occasions, I might have been wrong—but, like I said ten words ago—it was rare. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, a phrase I coined in the early 1970s.

My batting average was high, when you observe the repudiation of the previous eight years of governance before 2016. That repudiation was a reflection of the issues that I perceived as troubling during that period. I knew what was getting on the average American’s nerves (besides me), and it was stuff that the rest of the media ignored. That was mainly due to the fact that I know what gets on people’s nerves (for the most part, it’s me).

Donald Trump watched Fox News—so he had a firsthand look at the same stuff I was yakking about. I’m not saying he cribbed from me—I’m saying we were both on the same page on a lot of stuff. Not on all stuff—but on some of the big stuff.

Now, some of this introduction is going to feel a little like déjà vu, especially since Trump’s election may be the most revisited topic since the (alleged) moon landing.

But forgive me if we revisit it yet again.

Table of Contents

Preface 1

Introduction 7

1 Identity Politics 27

2 Law and Order 45

3 Hollywood 84

4 Islamic Terror 141

5 The Environment 201

6 The Campus 231

7 The Sexes 272

Epilogue: This Is the End, My Friends 295

Acknowledgments 297

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The Gutfeld Monologues: Classic Rants from the Five 4.4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 5 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is for a Gutfeld fan, from his Red Eye days to now. His Gregalogues are funny, insightful, and more entertaining than an old guy in only a shorty robe on a windy day.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
THANK YOU, GREG GUTFELD! ( ... But check your "a man, a plan, panama" palindrome. Maybe I got it wrong? Or missed something?
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Great book with vintage Gregisms throughout. He looks at the world through a looking glass which explains his weird views. Hope he makes enough money off this book to buy and wear better clothes on a regular basis. Great job Greg !
RamalM More than 1 year ago
“Gutfeld Monologues” Leaves me Feeling Good but Wanting More! I recommend this excellent book. Gutfeld is a wordsmith, so don’t miss the metaphors (college is the IKEA of intolerance) and similes that abound in addition to the rhymes and an occasional alliteration. Don’t let the Potty mouth obscure them, (“flatulence” used at least four times in the book). The author is a self-effacing genius who shows how he has learned to explain ‘What makes Trump Tick’. Is he trying to defy the field of Hermeneutics (“we each bring our own experiences, biases, and personal preferences to what we are reading”) by showing how adaptive he has been in dealing with the Trump Phenomenon? The excellent chapters are 1: Identity Politics and 4: Islamic Terror. Here are some things that could be better. The chapter 7: Sexes could be dropped entirely to make the book better. The Chapter 2: Law and Order, could be honed to reach the caliber of the previous chapter. The other three chapters, 3: Hollywood, 5: The Environment and 6: The Campus, are very good. (Jim Carrey and Jane Fonda rants – were not as enjoyable, because they were not clever rants!) Gutfeld knows he can’t help being repetitive – too many ‘wooden’ attacks on Kerry, though funny each one of them! (Trump vs. Kerry, “a race between an Olympic sprinter and an Adirondack chair”). There are gems strewn throughout. In his inimitable gentle, witty style he pokes fun at the Hare Krishnas while simultaneously drawing a sharp contrast to the pro-ISIS leaflet handouts in Britain (Aug 2014).
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Friend lent me his copy after he was finished. Frankly, he didn't make it through the book and I didn't either. While I watch "The Five" from time to time and do find Guttfeld can be humorous, his humor does not translate well to the written word. As this offering of his is simply recycled monologues from past shows, there is not much new or topical. A lot of the material comes off as dated, and while it may have been funny to watch, or when the event he references actually occurred, well, sorry, but not so much now. Hate to say it, but I would look elsewhere for my next purchase.