For generations, other religions and cultures have put their children through a rite of passage to adulthood. Many people are aware of the Jewish practice of the Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, for example. The reality, however, is that many children today don’t learn how to become adults on purpose; rather, they ride the wave of adolescence toward an unknown adult future.Moms, dads, and other perfectly placed adults have the unique opportunity to guide the teenagers in their life toward adulthood. This is not a privilege to be taken lightly, but neither is it an impossible task. Jim McBride, executive producer of Fireproof and Courageous, brings wisdom, experience, and practical examples to his guidebook for leading those burgeoning adults in your life through a real-life Rite of Passage.
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About the Author
JIM MCBRIDE joined the staff of Sherwood Baptist Church in 2000 and has served as the executive pastor overseeing operations, church staff, finances and Men's Ministry since 2003. He is an executive producer of the films released by Sherwood Pictures, including Courageous, Fireproof, Facing the Giants, and Flywheel. Jim has also worked for Coca-Cola fifteen years and served in the U. S. Marine Corps for six years. Jim and his wife, Sheila, have been married for 28 years. They have four children, Victoria, Buddy, Tommy, and Sarah.
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RITE OF PASSAGEA FATHER'S BLESSING
By JIM MCBRIDE
Moody PublishersCopyright © 2011 Jim McBride
All right reserved.
Chapter OneRITES AND BLESSINGS
Many civilizations throughout history have celebrated rites of passage, signifying a coming-of-age milestone. There's something in our nature that makes us want to acknowledge a transition from childhood to adulthood. Typically those rites have included three elements: separation, transition, and subsequent incorporation.
In the separation phase, the young person is taken from his familiar environment to enter a different and sometimes difficult world. Separation can take many forms: a distant journey, a trial in the wilderness, or just a time away from parents.
During the transition phase, the initiate must undergo some sort of change, whether it be a trial of arms, a survival challenge, or increasing responsibility. The transition phase is the time where the participant learns the appropriate behavior for the new stage he is entering. Whatever the transition event is, the person is different when he emerges from what he was when he began.
Finally, during incorporation, the young man or woman is welcomed back into the larger society, hopefully as a transformed person with a new sense of purpose and mission. This last phase takes place when the young person is formally admitted into the new role, and it often features a ceremony of some sort.
Be a Marine!
In a way, my experience in Marine Corps boot camp was a rite of passage. During separation I left my family and everything I knew, and I journeyed to Parris Island, South Carolina, the Marine boot camp of legend. Upon getting off the bus to the shouts of Marine drill instructors, I was ushered through a door that read, "Through These Portals Pass Candidates for the World's Finest Fighting Force." I was truly separated, in a world where we recruits could never do anything fast enough or right enough. (I have to confess that early on I found myself asking, Mama, what have I done?!) Parris Island is not separated just in the sense that you are cut off from your past; it is literally separated from the US mainland, joined only by a single causeway, guarded by an armed sentry.
During transition, I was slowly molded into a US Marine. It was a long, arduous process, with a lot of long days involving hours in the field, in classrooms, and on the "grinder" (that's what Marines called the large parade deck where close-order drill takes place). But slowly, through the three phases of Marine Corps recruit training, I was changing from a civilian with civilian habits into a Marine with Marine habits.
Finally, months later, came the day for graduation, when I would be fully incorporated into the Marine Corps. On that day I was granted the title "US Marine" for the first time. (During boot camp, we were called only "recruit," "private," or words I can't repeat here, but never "Marine." That title had to be earned]. On that day of incorporation I joined a fighting force with a rich, two-hundred-year tradition and the esprit de corps and camaraderie that comes with it. I was now a member of something much larger than myself, with an entire tradition of honor, courage, and commitment to uphold. Equally important to me was the moment when I was also reintroduced to the welcoming embrace of my family.
Becoming a Man in Sparta
Other cultures throughout the centuries have incorporated rites of passage that bring their young people—usually boys—into the wider world of that culture. In ancient warrior cultures such as Sparta, Greece, this rite was brutal, and sometimes the young man didn't survive. The separation phase began early, usually when the boy was only about seven. He was trained in the art of war and lived under severe, sparse conditions (hence our word spartan, meaning harsh, tough, devoid of luxury). During those years he learned discipline and physical and mental toughness.
Once he reached age eighteen, the young man was given only a knife and sent into the wilderness to survive by his strength and wits. Those who survived until age twenty were finally welcomed into the full ranks of the Spartan military, where they served until age thirty. The Spartan rite of passage prepared a young man for the thing most prized by the culture of Sparta: the warrior's life.
How Maasai Youth Become Men
Such rites of passage still continue today. They feature similar themes, but are more directly tied to contributing to the wider society. Jerry Moritz, a retired US Navy chaplain who spends many summers ministering to the Maasai tribe of Africa, relates their rite of passage. The Maasai are a seminomadic pastoral people whose territory covers southern Kenya and parts of Tanzania. Their entire culture centers on their cattle, their source of food and their measure of wealth. They surround their villages with high barriers of acacia bushes with inch-long thorns that no lion, leopard, hyena, or even elephant can breach. At night they drive their livestock into the compound to protect them from predators. But the cattle must have room to range, so during the day they are herded onto the African veldt. There their main enemy is the lion. For obvious reasons, then, the Maasai rite of passage revolves around a lion hunt.
When young Maasai boys reach the age of fourteen or fifteen, they are taken out into the bush by the morans—the warriors of a particular family group. The morans form a circle around a male lion, the young man is given a shield and a spear, and he is ushered into the circle with the lion. These initiations are very fluid and fast-moving. It's young boys against a wily predator that is stronger and faster than they. Moreover, the lion feels trapped by the circle of warriors and becomes even more dangerous. The boy must kill the lion before the lion kills him. If there is a group of boys undergoing the initiation, according to tradition, the first boy to throw his spear and wound the lion gets the credit for the kill. If the lion evades efforts and then attacks the boy, the warriors will come to his defense and kill the lion, but the boy has not passed the rite.
If a young man successfully kills the lion, he is considered successful in the rite of passage and becomes a moran. But he is not finished. He must separate himself from the larger group for a time. He lives out in the bush for six to eight years and lives off the land. Sometimes he will link up with other new morans who have successfully gone through the same rite. They are allowed to kill the occasional goat or a cow for food, even though it may belong to another Maasai group. During this time a new moran also looks for a wife. He may go into a Maasai compound, go to any of the huts, and thrust his spear into the ground inside the hut. The woman in the hut, according to tradition, then becomes his wife. Once the new moran has completed his time out in the bush, he returns to his village and is considered an elder among the Maasai. The Maasai rite of passage prepares the young man to receive all the skills and courage needed to become a protector of his people.
The Meaning of the Bar Mitzvah
Another rite of passage perhaps more familiar to readers is the Jewish bar mitzvah, which literally means "son of the commandment." The variant for girls is bat mitzvah, with bat meaning "daughter." Jewish tradition states that until the age for this rite, children are under their father's authority and not directly responsible to God for keeping His commandments. Upon becoming a bar or bat mitzvah, though, the child is responsible directly to God for keeping the law.
Technically, the term refers to the child who is coming of age—thirteen for boys, twelve for girls—not to the ceremony itself. However, you are just as likely to hear that someone is "having a bar mitzvah" or "invited to a bar mitzvah." No bar mitzvah ceremony is actually needed. A Jewish boy or girl automatically becomes a bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah upon reaching the appropriate age. The bar or bat mitzvah ceremony is not mentioned in the Jewish Talmud and is a relatively modern innovation. The receptions or parties that are commonplace after the bar or bat mitzvah today were unheard of as recently as a century ago.
There is a special religious significance to being bar or bat mitzvah. Under Jewish law, children are not obligated to observe the commandments, although they are encouraged to do so as much as possible to learn the obligations they will have as adults. Once of age, though, children must observe the commandments. The bar mitzvah ceremony formally and publicly marks the assumption of that obligation, along with the corresponding right to take part in leading religious services, to count in a minyan (the minimum number of people needed to perform certain religious services), to form binding contracts, to testify before religious courts, and to marry.
In its earliest and most basic form, a bar mitzvah is the celebrant's first aliyah, i.e., reading from the Torah in Hebrew or reciting a blessing over the reading during services, which is considered an honor. Today, it is common practice for the bar mitzvah celebrant to do more than just say the blessing. It is most common for the celebrant to learn the entire haftarah portion (the reading of the prophets), including its traditional chant. In some congregations, the celebrant reads the entire weekly Torah portion, leads part of the service, or leads the congregation in certain important prayers. The celebrant is also generally required to make a speech, which begins with the phrase, "Today, I am a man." The father traditionally recites a blessing. In modern times, the religious service is followed by a celebration that is often as elaborate as a wedding reception.
For the bat mitzvah, in some Jewish practices the girls perform essentially the same ceremony as the boys. In more conservative wings of Judaism, though, women are not permitted to participate in religious services in these ways, so a bat mitzvah, if celebrated at all, is usually little more than a party. The bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah prepares the young man or woman to be a full member of a Jewish family and congregation, accountable to both his family and to God.
Granting the Blessing
The Blessing in the Old Testament
From Judaism we also get the idea of sending our young people into the world with a blessing from God, a priest, a patriarch, or one's father. The biblical blessing takes many forms, but a key idea in blessing is to set aside someone or something for a special, holy purpose. It can also mean to praise or glorify as well as to keep and protect.
An early blessing is found in Genesis 14:18–19 (NIV), where Melchizedek blesses Abram (soon to become Abraham): "Then Melchizedek king of Salem brought out bread and wine. He was priest of God Most High, and he blessed Abram, saying, 'Blessed be Abram by God Most High, Creator of heaven and earth.'" It was a way of calling down God's favor on Abram and acknowledging God's provision in the past (victory in battle) and in the future (God's covenant with Abraham).
Another blessing is found in Genesis 48, as Jacob lies dying. His entire family is reunited, and he knows his long-lost son, Joseph, has had God's special calling upon him. And because of the promise God had made to Jacob through his grandfather and father, Abraham and Isaac, Jacob is determined to pass this blessing not just to his own sons, but to Joseph's sons born when he was in Egypt: Ephraim and Manasseh.
[Jacob] blessed Joseph and said, "The God before whom my fathers Abraham and Isaac walked, the God who has been my shepherd all my life to this day, the angel who has delivered me from all evil, bless the lads; and may my name live on in them, and the names of my fathers Abraham and Isaac; and may they grow into a multitude in the midst of the earth." (Genesis 48:15–16)
Not only does the mention of Abraham and Isaac connect Jacob's faith in God to his immediate forefathers, but it also helps tie together the faith of the earliest patriarchs in Genesis —those who were said to have walked with God—with that of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. It harkens back to past blessings and becomes a continuation of those blessings to future generations. It is a confirmation and promise of God's faithfulness.
Another blessing for future generations can be found in the so-called blessing of Moses, found in Deuteronomy 33:1–29. Here the patriarch pronounces blessings on the tribes of Israel, reminding them that it was God's provision and love that has blessed them.
The Blessing of Jesus
Perhaps the most important blessing in the Bible is found in the accounts of Jesus' baptism in the first three Gospels (Matthew 3:13–17; Mark 1:9-11; Luke 3:21–22). John the Baptist had been preparing the way for the Messiah, baptizing people with water, but he promised that another, greater than he, would soon come. One day Jesus Himself came to John and said it was proper for Him to be baptized, "to fulfill all righteousness." Upon coming up out of the water, Jesus saw heaven opened and the spirit of God, in the form of a dove descending upon Him. And God's voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased" (Matthew 3:15, 17 NIV).
This statement directly from God was His blessing on His Son, the promised Messiah. It marked the beginning of Jesus' public ministry, with God clearly communicating to His Son that He was sent forth with His Father's praise and with His blessing.
Interestingly, Jesus' first recorded experience after being sent on His mission with His Father's blessing was His temptation in the wilderness of the desert. That wilderness was associated not only with demonic activity, but it also was the place where Israel faced her greatest testing.
The Benefits of Blessing Your Child
The blessing that concludes a rite of passage gives security and comfort to your children as they get ready for adulthood. You are their advocate. They have your support and all that goes with it. A lot of men lack confidence because they never had the support of their fathers. There's something special about the public acknowledgment of the father for the son.
A blessing on a daughter is equally important. Many girls get off track in life because their relationship with their father was disconnected. And seeing a father as a man leading a life of integrity sets up a daughter to do the same. The father sets an example in her mind of what it means to be a man ... and hopefully a godly man. It makes a father want to be a lot more guarded in living a life with Christ.
By giving this blessing to his son and daughter, the father sets up the son and daughter for a head start in life, avoiding mistakes that many young adults make. In contrast, a child's maturity often is stunted by the broken relationship with the father.
Giving your children a formal blessing is similar to Israel's blessing on his sons, calling out each child and giving a specific blessing that acknowledges each child's adulthood and conveys your support. There will be other opportunities to express your love, but this day presents a special opportunity to affirm your children. (For specifics on the prayer of blessing, see the end of chapter 2.)
What to Include in Your Child's Rite of Passage
From Jesus' desert experience we can learn some important things to include, literally or figuratively, in the rites we use for our children. In Jesus' case, His desert sojourn was a literal separation from civilization. The Judean wilderness is a barren land. It is not a sandy desert like you might see in the movies; rather, it is a wasteland of rocks and boulders, steep drop-offs, and yawning caverns: no water, no plant life—nothing. But Jesus was not totally alone. He had fellowship with his Father and the Spirit, and He had the Word of God in His heart.
So here's lesson one: The separation phase must include some spiritual aspect. The separation does not have to be a literal wilderness—any sense of being taken out of the normal day-to-day world should suffice. The key is that the separation focuses on your child's spiritual being. It cannot be wilderness adventure solely for the sake of wilderness adventure.
Here's lesson two: Any rite of passage must be grounded in God's Word, and there should be ample use of it throughout. Jesus would be repeatedly tempted; each time, He referred to God's Word in response.
Jesus' time in the wilderness was a time of transition. He was moving from His life as a young Jewish carpenter toward the ministry His Father had prepared for Him. Jesus knew what His ultimate mission was: to suffer and die for our sins. Being fully God yet fully human, He was able to be tempted, which is what Satan had prepared for Him.
Excerpted from RITE OF PASSAGE by JIM MCBRIDE Copyright © 2011 by Jim McBride. Excerpted by permission of Moody Publishers. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Why a Rite? Chapter 1: Rights and Blessings – Other cultures, biblical examples Chapter 2: Developing the Idea – Faith, Hope, Love, Purity, Integrity, Family Chapter 3: Buddy’s Rite Chapter 4: Tommy’s Rite Chapter 5: Victoria’s Rite Chapter 6: Sarah’s Rite Chapter 7: Planning Your Own Rite of Passage Chapter 8: OutcomesIt’s Never Too Late
What People are Saying About This
BACK COVER COPY:"If I could live my life as a parent again, I would read this book first. I am folding it's words into my works as of right now. Grab several copies of Rite of Passage. This is a great gift for a family you love."
Andy Andrews, New York Times bestselling author of The Traveler's Gift & The Noticer--INSIDE PAGES:"If I could live my life as a parent again, I would read this book first. I am folding it's words into my works as of right now. Grab several copies of Rite of Passage. This is a great gift for a family you love."
Andy Andrews, New York Times bestselling author of The Traveler's Gift & The Noticer--Time-tested and proven true in the lives of his own children, Jim McBride has written a book that helps adolescents and parents understand the "rite of passage" into adulthood. With biblical principles, practical advice, and ceremonial guidelines, parents can confidently guide their children into their future as adults. Read this book, follow its principles, and pass a legacy of blessing on to your kids.
Dr. Gary SmalleyAuthor of Guarding Your Child’s Heart--If taken to heart and put into practice, the principles and ideas in this book can help adolescents successfully transition into the kind of Christian adults that glorify the Lord and make parents, grandparents, and pastors happy. They will also help moms and dads become better Christian parents. I recommend it heartily. Every church ought to adopt and support this kind of ministry.Warren W. Wierssbe, author, a former pastor of Moody Church--Jim McBride is a perfect tag-team partner for any parent. I have grown weary of a lot of the psycho-babble that passes for battle-tested advice. Personally, I want to know that the author is a leader at home and at work, I want to know that he’s a success at home and at work and I want to know the spiritual and emotional character of the author’s children. I have known Jim McBride for 20 years, I’ve traveled with him and his family around the world and I know his children quite well. This mountain of a man stands the tallest when he’s on his knees playing with and praying for his children. This book is a must for every parent and grandparent. No more smack down, just time-tested Biblical inspiration.”Dr. Jay StrackPresident & Founderwww.studentleadership.net--“In a culture where many fathers are abandoning their responsibilities, our children desperately need to understand the significance of their passage into adulthood. Jim McBride’s book presents parents with a unique opportunity to intentionally call out their sons and daughters to mature manhood and womanhood. The ceremony that he created is a labor of love and had a powerful impact on his own children. Rite of Passage is based on solid biblical principles, and I know Jim’s walk matches his talk, therefore I believe there is a blessing in store for those who read this book and follow his example.” ~Frank Harrison, Chairman & CEO, Coca-Cola Consolidated – Charlotte, NC