Loss (Riders of the Apocalypse Series)

Loss (Riders of the Apocalypse Series)

by Jackie Morse Kessler

Paperback(Large Print)

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Fifteen-year-old Billy Ballard is the kid that everyone picks on. But things change
drastically when Death tells Billy he must stand in as Pestilence, the White Rider of
the Apocalypse. Now armed with a Bow that allows him to strike with disease from
a distance, Billy lashes out at his tormentors...and accidentally causes an outbreak of
meningitis. Horrified by his actions, Billy begs Death to take back the Bow. For that to
happen, says Death, Billy must track down the real White Rider, and stop him from
unleashing something awful on humanity—something that could make the Black
Plague look like a summer cold. Does one bullied teenager have the strength to stand
his ground—and the courage to save the world?

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780547712154
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Publication date: 03/20/2012
Series: Riders of the Apocalypse Series , #3
Edition description: Large Print
Pages: 258
Sales rank: 475,095
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 8.10(h) x 0.80(d)
Lexile: 850L (what's this?)
Age Range: 13 - 17 Years

About the Author

Jackie Morse Kessler is the author of two other young adult novels about the Riders of the
Apocalypse, Hunger and Rage, along with several paranormal and dark fantasy books for adults.
She lives in upstate New York. Visit her website at www.jackiemorsekessler.com.

Read an Excerpt

Chapter 2


. . . and ripped the buds from his ears as he staggered to the bedroom door. He was on autopilot, his body reacting to his mother hollering "Dad!" again and again while his brain tried to process that he wasn’t still sleeping. He’d been dreaming the sort of dream that felt like it was really happening. The images were already fading—the threads had begun unraveling as soon as his mom had started screaming—but one memory remained: the man in white.

The Ice Cream Man, Billy thought muddily as he opened his door, the Ice Cream Man’s going to let me ride the white horse . . .

His mother raced down the hallway, screaming for her father. "Dad! Dad, where are you? Martin! Come out!"

Billy had to shout to get her attention. "Did Gramps get out again?"

"I don’t know," she said too fast. "He might have, or he could be here in the house somewhere, there’s so many places he could be if he jimmied the locks and . . . oh God, the kitchen cabinet!" She bolted down the hallway, banking the corner and heading for the kitchen.

Billy’s heartbeat thundered in his throat, his ears, behind his eyes. Here we go again, he thought bleakly, even as patted down his pockets to make sure he still had his keys and phone. The last time Gramps had been alone, he’d almost set the house on fire. When Billy had gotten the matches away from him, his grandfather had slugged him in the eye. The rest of the night, Gramps had screeched at Billy, calling him horrible names and threatening to kill him.

"It’s not him," his mom had told Billy all that night, the next morning, the next week. "It’s the Alzheimer’s talking, not him." As if that magically made everything better.

Billy locked his bedroom door and joined his mom in the kitchen. She was tugging on the cabinet under the sink, testing the child-safety lock. It was still on, so his grandfather couldn’t have gotten into the drain cleaner. Billy asked, "Any doors open?"

His mom didn’t answer. She was still pulling at the cabinet door, fixated on it, as if breaking the lock would somehow produce Gramps.

Billy tried the back door, but it was locked tight. Same with the door to the garage. But the front door, the one masked by the wall poster of a bookcase, was slightly ajar—the same poster that usually hid the door also camouflaged how the door hadn’t been completely closed.

Gritting his teeth, Billy called out, "Front door!" And then he raced outside, looking around for any sign of his grandfather. "Gramps!" he yelled, then switched to cries of "Martin! Martin Walker! Can you hear me?" His voice echoed back at him like music.

That was when he realized the block was oddly quiet. Usually, midafternoon on a weekday, cars streamed up and down the street; on a warm afternoon like today, kids should be hanging out, riding bikes or skateboards. But today, the street was barren. Dead.

No, not quite. Down at the end of the block, a guy was playing a guitar.

Thank God, Billy thought, racing down the sidewalk. When Gramps escaped the house, he tended to walk a straight line, so there was a good chance he’d gone right by the street musician. The guitarist was blond and lean, doing the grunger thing like he’d sprung out of a Seattle 1990s brochure. Not bad at the guitar, either. The musician started singing as Billy approached—a familiar tune, but Billy couldn’t quite place it. He stumbled to a halt in front of the guitarist’s open case, which was lying open on the pavement and sparkled with coins reflecting the sunlight.

Pennies. All of the coins were pennies. Billy thought that was both odd and, for some reason, strangely appropriate.

"Years and years I’ve roamed," the blond guitarist sang.

That had to be a good omen. "Hey," Billy said, huffing from his sprint. "Did you see an old man walk this way?"

The guitarist stopped singing, but his fingers kept strumming, keeping the tune alive. He smiled lazily. "What, walking hunched over and gasping for breath? Nope. But I did see a man wander past not even five minutes ago."

Billy blinked, absorbed both the joke and the information, then asked, "Did he keep going straight?" He pointed farther down the street.


"Thanks," said Billy, then reached in his pocket for some change, just a small tip to thank the guy. But before he could toss the money into the guitar case, the musician grabbed his arm. Billy was stunned by the contact, and even more by the strength and chill of the guitarist’s fingers. It felt like frozen branches had wrapped around his wrist.

"No need for that," said the musician.

Billy stammered, "Wanted to thank you."

The guitarist kept smiling, but now there was an edge to it. "Then give thanks instead of coin, William Ballard. Otherwise, you’ll get what you pay for, and there’s no time."

Shocked speechless, Billy couldn’t ask how the musician knew his name.

"You have only three minutes before your grandfather causes a rather messy accident," said the guitarist. His blue eyes glinted wickedly in the sunlight. "He’s walking in the street, and the driver’s about to text his girlfriend."

Billy’s mouth worked silently, gaping like a fish suffocating in air.

"Go," commanded the guitarist, releasing Billy’s wrist. "Less than three minutes now. You’d better run."

Billy ran.

The pale horse shook its head, as if shaking away a fly.

"What?" said Death. "It was just a little friendly advice."

The horse snorted.

Death smiled at his steed. "You’re just annoyed that he didn’t see you."

If the horse had a comment, the steed kept it to itself.

Still smiling, Death began to play the guitar once more.

Rushing forward, Billy’s thoughts were a mad jumble as he wondered how the street musician knew his name. Not a musician. A Rider. He’s the Pale Rider and he says Gramps is going to be in an accident, have to hurry, hurry, find Gramps . . .

Lost in his mind’s free flow, Billy sprinted down the street. He was thinking now about his grandfather, of the man who’d read him bedtime stories and chased away any monsters crouching in the closet. Martin Walker had been a bear of a man when Billy was young, a towering presence that had filled the house and made Billy feel safe—

(even after the Ice Cream Man, a voice whispered in the back of Billy’s mind)

—even after his dad had gone away. Without Gramps, he never would have learned to ride a bike, or catch a fish, or so many other things. He vividly remembered the feeling of his grandfather’s calloused fingers over his smaller, softer ones as Gramps taught him how to swing a baseball bat; he heard pride in the memory of his grandfather’s voice, pride and love as Gramps encouraged him and congratulated him every time the bat connected and sent the ball sailing across the sky. Just believe you can do it, Gramps would say. Believe, and stand tall.

He had to find his grandfather. Had to.

You have only three minutes before your grandfather causes a rather messy accident.

How long had Billy been running? A minute? Two? Surely not three. Only three minutes, the guitarist had said, and never mind how the blond man knew that his grandfather would be in an accident; the street musician had declared it, and Billy believed him.

Of course Billy believed him; he was the Pale Rider, and he knew when people were scheduled to die.

Oh my God, Billy thought, wind-tears stinging his eyes, I’m going crazy.

No, he had no time for that. Muscles screaming, chest burning, Billy raced across the neighborhood, his feet slapping the ground in a backbeat to his labored breathing. No air to waste calling his grandfather’s name. No air, no time, no . . .


Up ahead, his grandfather was threading himself between parked cars. Each time he looped around, he wandered into the middle of the street and paused, then continued on, moving to another car and circling it before heading back to the center lane once more. His open jacket flapped around his body like a cape.

His gaze locked on his grandfather’s coat, Billy snarled as rage flooded him, tinting his world red. Didn’t even take off his jacket, he thought, wasn’t home long enough to take off his jacket. Mom was in a hurry and forgot to lock the door and she didn’t even help him out of his jacket and this is her fault!

Fueled with righteous anger, Billy rocketed forward, shouting, "Martin! Martin Walker, please stop!"

The old man froze, then slowly turned his head until he saw Billy. Even halfway down the block, he sensed the tension crackling along his grandfather’s limbs.

Gramps was going to bolt.

Billy forced himself to stop, stumbling his way to a graceless halt. Hands out, imploring, Billy called out, "Mr. Walker, we’ve been worried about you."

His grandfather didn’t move. There was a gleam in his eyes, something caged and frantic.

Billy took a step forward, and then another, keeping his arms out, palms up, showing Gramps that he meant him no harm. "Mom—Jane’s been looking for you."

The name penetrated. The old man cocked his head and asked, "Janey?"

"Yes, Janey." So hard to project his voice and yet keep it soft, unthreatening. Another step, and then another. Walking slowly now, he said, "She needs you, Mr. Walker. Janey needs you. Will you please come with me?"

His grandfather frowned, but he didn’t run. Progress.

Billy took another step, and that’s when he saw the car. It barreled forward, nowhere even close to going thirty—it was doing at least fifty, sixty, a hundred miles an hour, a moss green car gunning for his grandfather.

He launched himself at the old man, whose eyes widened in either fear or fury. Gramps didn’t turn around, didn’t see the pale streak of death careening straight toward him.

With a defiant cry, Billy tackled his grandfather. The two of them flew in a tangle of limbs, the old man screeching and Billy howling, wrapping himself around Gramps to cushion him from the impact. They landed hard against a parked car, a dirty white sedan. The pale green car drove past, veering slightly to the left. Billy caught sight of the driver suddenly looking up. The car straightened and continued going past, going, going . . . gone.

Billy let out a shaky, relieved breath. And that’s when his grandfather punched him in the jaw. "Ow! What—"

"Off!" Gramps punched him again.

"Quit it!" Billy held on to his grandfather with one hand and tried to protect his face with the other. "Gramps, stop!"

The old man snarled, "Off me! Off!"

"Janey," Billy said, trying to be patient even with his heart thundering in his chest. "Janey needs you, Mr. Walker."

The name worked its magic once more: His grandfather’s face softened. "Janey?"

"She’s waiting for you. At home."

"Huh." The old man lowered his fists and stopped pulling away from Billy.

"I’ll take you there, sir. Okay?"


Billy nudged Gramps gently, and together they shuffle-walked the path back to Billy’s house. They paused only twice: The first time was so Billy could maneuver his cell phone out of his back pocket and call his mom to tell her they were headed home, and the second was when they passed a particular corner where a street musician had been playing the guitar and singing about a man who’d sold the world.

Where the guitarist had been, two old pennies shone cheerfully in the afternoon sun.

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Loss 4.3 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 11 reviews.
chapterxchapter More than 1 year ago
Loss is one of those books that I just can’t get out of my head. I shed many tears, held my breath at different points in the book, felt angry, felt happiness – another emotional rollercoaster ride! In this installment of the Riders of the Apocalypse series, Jackie Morse Kessler brings us right into the heart of bullying. I am a huge anti-bullying advocate. Anytime I read about it, see anything about it, hear anything about it, a little something inside of me snaps and my emotions are visible for all to see. Loss brought out all of those emotions for me. If there’s anything that I try to cement into my kids’ head, it is not to be mean to anyone. If they see someone who is eating alone, or is sitting alone, to befriend them! Ask them to join…make them feel not as lonely. One of the things that my friends always say about me is that I always include everyone. I don’t leave anyone out, and I was always the one in school who stuck up for the ones who were being bullied. And I’m proud of that. And I want my kids to say the same thing when they grow up. Loss is similar to that of the other 2 books of this series, Hunger and Rage BUT it is so different in so many different ways. In Loss we see Billy Ballard not only fight his own personal battles with bullying but also has an epic battle in which he has to fight to save the entire world. HUGE weight on his shoulders! We also get to see the past life of The White Rider (the Conqueror), Pestilence, and how he came to be one of the Riders. Jackie Morse Kessler also weaves a creative, ingenious twist on King Midas, whose touch (as we know it) turned everything into gold. In the past books, we see the main characters having their Titles imposed upon them due to the deaths of their predecessors, but in Loss, the White King lives and it is up to Billy to have Pestilence continue his duties as the White Rider or to have the Title himself. An interesting aspect of this book was how Kessler weaved the thoughts and memories of Pestilence into a dreamlike state where we are treated with memories of his past, and his feelings and thoughts of when Death appointed him as Pestilence. Of all the books, THIS ONE is the one I can see as a movie. Every page played out the movie in my mind, complete with the fast forward fast action memory sequences to slow motion play by plays. The book itself is divided into three parts; one where we see the bullying of Billy and how he ends up being chosen to be Pestilence, one where we see the thoughts and memories of the White King where Billy learns what he needs to know to save all of humanity, and one where we see the epic battle unfold and where we see Billy make his ultimate decision. Kessler’s writing in Loss is unforgettable and surpasses the first two books. Fans of the Riders of the Apocalypse series will totally devour Loss and will bear witness to Billy Ballard, a boy who has been bullied for most of his life, save all of humanity.
Nikkayme More than 1 year ago
Loss is unlike the other two Riders of the Apocalypse books and Jackie Morse Kessler’s new style and direction are both welcome and exciting. Billy Ballard’s life of being bullied is extremely relevant to anyone at any time. We all know that feeling, either personally or as a bystander. And boy does Billy Ballard suffer. He not just bullied on a regular basis, but he’s tortured. He’s made to feel like he is nothing, then he has to go home and hold the weight of his grandfather’s care on his shoulders. Billy’s Gramps having Alzheimer’s adds another layer to the story and especially to Billy. Billy feels inadequate as a human being because of his bullying. When Death comes to him, telling him to take his place as Pestilence, Billy feels like he cannot do it. Yet, day in and day out, he cares for a man he loves who barely even recognizes him. Billy’s strong, but doesn’t realize it. I said Loss was very different from the previous two books in this quartet. And it is. Very much so. Not only is Billy Ballard the center point of the book and the new Pestilence, but the old Pestilence still reigns; He’s just a little crazy and hanging out in his own mind. The division between Billy and what becomes known as The White is startlingly clear. We journey, along with Billy, through the hell that King White (Pestilence) has suffered through and even unleashed on the world. For the first time, we get to see how being a Rider is a huge responsibility, but also a looming burden. What comes out of this is stuff made of human nature’s greatest fears and faults. Billy Ballard is a boy staring down the barrel of the gun and he may not be brave enough or strong enough to fight back. Discovering if he is a thrilling experience. Loss is unlike either of the previous two Riders books, but it’s also exactly like them. Jackie Morse Kessler has developed a way to dig into some deep emotions and pull them out. Loss is by far the best of the quartet thus far and I doubt I’ll forget Billy Ballard or King White anytime soon.
krau0098 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This is the third book in the Riders of the Apocalypse series and it tells the story of Pestilence. I got an advanced reading copy of this book to review through the Amazon Vine program. It was a bit different than the previous two books, but still a good addition to the series.Billy has it pretty rough. He is constantly beat up at school, he is forced to take care of his grandpa who has Alzheimer's, and he just can't seem to get a break. That is until Death gives him Pestilence's Bow. As Billy starts to take revenge on his bullying classmates, he realizes that what he is doing is wrong. There is a bigger problem here and if Billy can't help to reign Pestilence in, then whole world may be destroyed by a horrible plague.Unlike previous books in this series Billy doesn't have a self-mutilating disorder (like anorexia or cutting) but he does have anxiety problems. His life seems to be about loss; lost opportunities, a lost father, his grandfather's loss of health, and Billy's loss of indepedence in trying to take care of his grandfather. His life is also filled with disease of sorts: his crippling anxiety and his grandfather's debilitating disease. All this ties him to Pestilence. Through Billy we learn Pestilence's story and it is one rife with loss and disease as well.Billy must figure out why Pestilence has gone mad and try to get Pestilence to resume his duties. For not only can Pestilence spread disease but he is the Conqueror of all illness as well. If Billy can't figure out how to get Pestilence to take up his duties the whole world may be facing the Apocalypse.As with all of these books Death is my favorite character; he is funny and is something different from all the other Riders. Billy was also a very good character and my heart went out to him. He situation really sucked and I really feel for any kid whose been bullied that bad. I wasn't quite as engaged with Billy as with the characters in the previous book, possibly because he was a boy and I couldn't relate to the bullying thing, but he was well done and I think he will ring true for a lot of YA readers out there.As with all previous books in this series a portion of the book sales goes to a cause, in this case the fight against Alzheimer's. Kessler also talks about resources where bullied kids can find support in the Afterward.Overall a solid addition to this series. This is different from previous books in that it is more about Pestilence's problems than Billy's; but the two characters have issues that tie them together nicely. There is a lot of symbolism in this book and a lot to think about. I love reading about the Horsemen of the Apocalypse and the troubling teens who become/help them. I can't wait to see what is next in this series. Highly recommend to YA fans.
BookAddictDiary on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I've had these series on the sides of my personal reading radar for a while. I haven't really had the opportunity to dive into it before, so when I had the chance to read Loss, the third book in the series, I thought it was time to go for a ride. The good thing about these books is that you don't really need to read them all in order since each book focuses on a different character's story and how they become one of the riders of the apocalypse. (Though I was a little lost when some of the other horsemen -er, women, er...people -came in. The author assumes that most readers know who these characters are, so there isn't much back story or explanation given about how they are.)Loss introduces Billy Ballard, a young boy who is constantly bullied at school, and seems to have little else in his life to live for. Things seem like they can't get any worse for Billy when he meets Death (yes, the actual Death) and finds out that he is Pestilence, the White Rider of the Apocalypse. Billy, of course, uses his new-found powers to take revenge on those who hurt before, until he unleashes an outbreak of meningitis. Realizing his mistake, its up to Billy to save the world.Having not read the previous novels, I was mostly able to understand what was going on here, though the lack of exposition for some of the other riders, Death and the entire riders of the apocalypse made some things just a little hazy. Despite this, I still found myself enjoying this book. The pacing is insane -I was constantly flipping pages to see what came next, and Billy is a highly sympathetic and understandable character that's easy for readers to relate to.Fans of the previous books will probably enjoy this one as well -and I suggest that newcomers start at the beginning to get the full picture. Though I would have liked to have seen a little more depth in the plot, Loss is a solid read with great action and an honest plot.
titania86 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Billy Ballard is bullied daily. He hates his life because of the bullies and because he has to take care of his grandfather who has Alzheimer's. His mother is constantly working and tired, so the responsibility often falls on him. Then, everything changes when Death tells Billy he must take up the white cloak and become Pestilence. He doesn't want to, but the Bow that unleashes disease follows him. He accidentally lashes out at his tormenters, spreading meningitis at his school. He is horrified that he would stoop to that level and basically become a bully as well. He begs Death for a way out. Pestilence is still alive, but comatose. He must awaken Pestilence to take up his job again or be doomed to do the job instead.I really liked this novel. Billy is a normal teen who is tormented every single day. I'm sure everyone reading it has at least one memory of being bullied or are currently being bullied. It's frustrating to know that many kids are in the same position as him and many teachers stand by and let the bullying happen. His mother puts a lot of responsibility on him to take care of his grandfather who has Alzheimer's. He doesn't want to bring people to his house and he doesn't have much time to enjoy being a teen. The Alzheimer's makes his beloved grandfather into a stranger to him who can become belligerent or even violent. They can no longer share memories and his grandfather is essentially not the same person that Billy grew up with. The realistic portrayal of his life is the triumph of this book. I just wanted to give Billy a hug and tell him that his life won't be that way forever.The other thing I really loved about this book was Pestilence. Billy goes into his consciousness to get him to wake up and do his job and views his memories and experiences. His history is inspired by a mix of myth and folklore and I totally nerded out while reading. Both the King Midas tale and the story of Robin Hood were retold and mixed together in a dynamic and interesting way. It was unexpected and it made the story much more memorable and enjoyable.Loss is a wonderful mix of harsh reality and myths and legends. I had no idea it was part of a series, which may shed more light on some of the minor characters. I would definitely read the rest of the series and eagerly await for more books from Jackie Morse Kessler.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
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Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Some of the scenes and subplots in Loss seem disconnected or added simply to connect the story to larger social issues. But the bullying Billy suffers and his effots to learn the powers of Pestilence are well-crafted scenes the give the novel its best moments. Not as strong as Hunger, Loss does regain its footing by novel's end, but here's hoping the next novel in the series concludes the story as strongly as it started.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Mandy Ellison More than 1 year ago
It seems like I waited for this book FOREVER and now I finally have it!!! YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!