Coffee Cup Stains

Coffee Cup Stains

by Joy Olree


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Life is complicated, plain and simple.

What we see is not what anyone else sees. We see a red rose, but no one else sees that same red, for no one else has our eyes. And that's life. We rely heavily on our five senses-taste, smell, touch, sight, and hearing-but only we can taste, smell, feel, see, or hear how we do.

The poetry included in Coffee Cup Stains: Thoughts from an Autistic Poet is based on Joy Olree's own five senses. She was, as Lady Gaga says, born this way-with autism, in a world that cannot fully grasp the meaning. In this new poetry collection, Olree attempts to enlighten that non-autistic world, to make its inhabitants see what she sees.

Did You Ever Love Me?

Was fifteen minutes of fun all it was?

Did you even tell her you loved her?

I sit here in the dark listening for the

creak of the bedroom door. Maybe

you'll find another source for the anger.

Maybe you'll be too drunk to notice I'm

not asleep. Maybe tomorrow I won't

have to lie to everyone. Maybe I won't

enjoy what I never should have known.

If you ever loved me please let me go for

I fear my soul is tarnished beyond repair.

I am a stone angel cracked and crumbling.

Please God hear my prayer for I don't want

to go to Hell.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781458200143
Publisher: Abbott Press
Publication date: 07/27/2011
Pages: 432
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.96(d)

Read an Excerpt


Thoughts from an Autistic Poet
By Joy Olree

Abbott Press

Copyright © 2011 Joy Olree
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4582-0014-3

Chapter One


    Old enough to care but
    young enough to see the
    missed chances I'll never

    Old enough to feel what
    will never be, but young
    enough to accept what is.

    Scared of life's other side
    yet secure in the reward
    for a life well lived.

    Oh Lord take my soul keep
    it safe in your kingdom for
    I am leaving behind family
    who love me.

    Who could have known a
    short life would be mine,
    but it is, now a long life
    in paradise I have.

    Mother, father don't cry
    for me, because God is
    taking care of me just as
    you did.


    Simple solutions
    seem obscene,
    fractured realities
    the norm. Is it just
    my twisted mind,
    or is there more to
    reality than meets
    the eyes?


    Crying becomes screaming,
    smiles become frowns,
    turning over, pulling up,
    crawling, walking, leaving
    home, the evolution of babies.

    Music, candles, wine and dance,
    the evolution of sex.

    Sex makes babies, babies grow
    up, the end.


    This morning you preached about authority,
    saying we would give answer, then at the
    close of the sermon you said the night's
    service would be short so that the seniors
    could be honored.

    So with the free will I was given I choose to
    worship at a church that does not put seniors
    above the worship of God.

    I will give answer, so I ask, who is your
    authority, who told you it was acceptable to
    put the seniors above the worship of God?
    Would you want God to cut his devotion to
    you short?

    I know you did worship God, just not as long
    as usual so the graduating seniors of the church
    could be honored. Well I hope when you stand
    before God, he does not cut you short and say,
    "depart I know you not."

    Now I have nothing against seniors, in fact I have
    been one myself twice, but no senior ever died for
    me and I have not been commanded to honor
    anyone but God and Jesus his son on the first day
    of the week.

    The bible says there is a time and place for
    everything, is church not the wrong place to honor
    anyone but God and his son Jesus?


    You killed my son,
    I forgave you.
    You broke my heart,
    I gave you flowers.
    When trees broke and
    clouds cried, I gave
    you rainbows.


    Misty eyes, intense longing,
    happy thoughts in the
    presence of love.

    Scared of losing treasured
    things. Service given for to
    save that which seems sinful.

    If my heart is known by the
    master will he not spare his

    If I repent of what is truth will
    he forgive without asking me
    to destroy an innocent man.


    Was fifteen minutes of fun all it was?
    Did you even tell her you loved her?
    I sit here in the dark listening for the
    creak of the bedroom door. Maybe
    you'll find another source for the anger.
    Maybe you'll be too drunk to notice I'm
    not asleep. Maybe tomorrow I won't
    have to lie to everyone. Maybe I won't
    enjoy what I never should have known.

    If you ever loved me please let me go for
    I fear my soul is tarnished beyond repair.

    I am a stone angel cracked and crumbling.
    Please God hear my prayer for I don't want
    to go to Hell.


    God looked and wept as his creation turned from righteousness.
    So he said to Jesus, his son, go to earth and teach the people
    about me and what they need to do to be good. And God said,
    "don't you want to stay there a little while?"

    But the earth would not listen for there was evil in their hearts.
    Jesus taught of Heaven and God and goodness and sin, he did
    many miracles, but although he was innocent and perfect, they
    hung him on a cross between two thieves. Now some believed
    and they cried, "don't you want to stay here a little while?"
    Then Jesus give up the ghost, and for three days he lay in a dark
    tomb to rise on the third alive and whole, fulfilling prophecies
    of old. And when his disciples knew this they rejoiced and said,
    "don't you want to stay here a little while?"

    But Jesus went to Heaven and his father received him saying,
    "don't you want to stay here a little while?" and Jesus replied,
    "for as long as it be your will."

    On earth love spoke to Mama Gate and Daddy Joe and they had
    a son., and love spoke to Mama Shear and Daddy Shear and they
    had a daughter, and they said, "don't you want to stay here a little
    while?" But in time love spoke to this son and daughter and God
    said, "what man has joined together let no one destroy." And of this
    union was born four children, but Heaven spoke to the mother and
    said, "don't you want to stay here a little while?" and one by one
    Heaven spoke to them all and the children cried," don't you want to
    stay here a little while?"

    Then God said it is not good for man to be alone, so he sent Jennie
    to the father ,and she said ,"don't you want to stay here a little while?"
    while." Forty years passed and Heaven spoke to the father, and God
    said, "don't you want to stay here a little while?" And his children cried,
    "don't you want to stay here a little while?" Now Jennie listens for the
    call as her children say, "don't you want to stay here a little while?"

    And me a child born of this love struggles, knowing the call might not
    come for her because life says, "don't you want to stay here a little
    while?" Yet in my darkest hours, Heaven pleads, "don't you want to stay
    here a little while?" Now I know one day there will be a judgment and I
    don't know what the verdict will be, but as I hear the fires of Hell calling,
    "don't you want to stay here a little while?" I look to the Heavens and I
    remember the family I have there and for a moment I can almost hear
    them pleading, "don't you want to stay here a little while?"


    Put your faith in man,
    get fancy words and
    entertainment. Put
    your faith in animals
    get companionship.

    The things of this world
    are temporal. They may
    bring happiness, but in
    death these vanish into
    an eternity where joy or
    pain wait depending on
    what you've put your
    faith in while living
    in this temporal realm.

    Put faith in God and his
    son, get an eternal paradise
    as promised in the Bible
    and it is not temporal.


    Slimy green and oh get
    away creatures. Hoping
    and slithering making
    my skin crawl, but if
    these are some of Gods
    then I guess they can
    stay, but far from me.


    Hand, hand, fingers toes.
    Left, right, up down, in
    out, flip flop, upside

    Up close, in front, here
    there, near far. Side ways,
    laid down, inside wrong.

    Long short, big small,
    twisted straight, out
    right down there gone.


    Frosting bakes,
    dimpled cheeks,
    crossword speaks.
    Televised truths
    and fantasy lies.

    Politician and
    offers of help.
    Sugar and spice,
    bitter and sweet,
    dead memories.
    False promises
    from the jaded
    tongues of a
    swindlers game.

    Less is lost on
    ignorant fools
    than would cost
    to buy the service
    of Godly folks.


    Save the baby, fight the crime,
    stamp it out. Say it's so even
    if it's not.

    Be yourself, keep the faith,
    help is on the way.

    Lose the voice that speaks
    temptation, sin is not for you.
    Where is it that one would be
    if not for grace?

    Help you'll call if hell you fall
    but help won't answer there, for
    God is on the mainline, all others
    are the Devils.


    Humble yourself in the
    sight of God, and he
    will lift you up.

    Bow to his will not ours
    to receive grace.

    Amazing grace, so sweet
    it can save a sinner like me.

    Lost but found I am. Safe
    and sure of rest in paradise.


    Cold, wet and tired, hunger
    not an option, no money for

    Gas prices rising, car doesn't
    care, says feed it or stay home.
    New car, new tires, no job.

    Leftover clothes, used shoes,
    worn out body, what's an old
    woman to do?

    Suze Orman says, "it's bad,
    the dream is over, no one
    knows when it will get better."
    She says, "quit spending money,
    save what you can," then she
    offers to sell you her money
    class. Whose the hypocrite now?

    Should I buy this money class or
    quit spending? It's hard to save
    what you don't have, Ms Orman.
    Maybe if I had the money to buy
    your class I wouldn't need the class.


    Feelings can confuse,
    emotions overwhelm.
    One day it will be said,
    cast in all your chips.

    Then it will be clear
    that nothing is enough,
    to compensate for all,
    the wrong that has been

    Then Hell becomes our
    home, and we will, no
    longer say, we can't get


    Left alone, sore afraid, scared
    of life, the tricksters trade.
    Prayed for strength, fought
    myself, saved a friend., lost
    the ego.

    Up on high angels cheered,
    as down below Satan cried.
    Betwixt these things in Gods
    arms the son did rest.

    Here on earth I am torn, where
    to go what to do, how to be.
    Praying for help, hoping for
    guidance, lessons to learn. Soon
    it will be crystal clear, hopefully
    not to late?


    More lost than found I may be,
    but where I am, is better, then
    where you'll be if God is true
    and you don't change.


    Simple solutions too complex
    shared inconsistencies left to
    rule. Where's our place in all

    Killed a beggar for his coat,
    stole a sandwich, crossed a line.
    Round a curve estimate, estimate
    nothing is exact.

    Deleted responsibilities saved
    for future reference, consciousness

    Pie-R- Squared but this ones round.


    Mist of covered lands overshadowing
    all that there exists. Tree tops rise for
    to see sun and moon. Birds fly, crickets

    It is well goes the tale of ancient memories
    and forgotten loves.

    Take this humble body, do as is required,
    but leave the heart for it is already taken
    by the consciousness of God.


    Dance for movements
    shared in music, swing
    the night away, leave
    no stone unturned. Play
    games meant to enlighten

    This power is yours as
    long as life exist. Death
    is but a continuation of
    moves done while on the
    dance floor.


    Oh my God how could I
    have shunned you so long?
    If I live in you and you in me,
    are we one and the same?


    I sit and wait while
    moonbeams light
    a darkened sky.

    A radios' music
    sooths the soul as
    pen in hand begins
    to write salvations

    If God were here,
    I'm sure he'd say
    how few there are
    who seem to care
    about being good.

    And when the day
    has come for all to
    end, I fear that many
    will be surprised.


    Do you want to worship
    or play ball? Is recreation
    meant for service or is prayer
    best done in reverence and
    remembrance of the one who
    died for our sins.

    You have a gym in your church,
    are your members here to worship
    God or play ball?


    Slipped and fell,
    broke no bones.
    Cried and smiled,
    thank you lord.

    Yesterday we were
    lost, today we are

    Took a train, walked
    a mile, trashed a can,
    crossed a line. Saw
    my soul scream in

    Fought an urge,
    cracked a smile,
    seems the lord is in

    Flawless but cracked,
    yet forgiven if only we


    May spring bring
    rain and flowers,
    wind and song.
    Sunlight to capture
    it's beauty, moonlight
    to capture it's sleep
    and camera clicks to
    share it with the world.


    My heart is broken, everything I
    believed, everything I was taught,
    thrown out the door. It was not my
    plan, it never occurred to me that
    such a thing was possible. Yet here
    you are, and here I am in love.

    I divorced a monster then married
    again, committing adultery, in Gods'
    eyes, because the monster did not
    cheat on me. Then you came along.

    Maybe if we'd met in different
    realities, but fate seemed against us.
    When you were free I was not, when I
    was free you were not.

    Now I sit in the dark, the fires of Hell
    lapping at my feet and I pray for a miracle,
    forgiveness, but is it possible to be forgiven
    for adultery without having to give you up?

    Time passes and every minute I die more
    inside. My soul trembles, my heart broken.
    I fear eternal damnation, but I am afraid I
    would burn before I would give you up.


    In the garden of souls,
    picking energy for the
    evolution of mankind,
    there arises stumbling
    blocks destined to lead

    By confusion and deceit,
    with illusion and religion
    does Satan and his angels
    gather souls to share in the
    punishment given for their
    rebellion against the one

    But in the infinite wisdom
    of the one creator, there is
    given a book to those that
    would read, for to know
    the path of truth and clear
    vision, so that in these last
    of days there truly will be
    a garden of souls dedicated
    in service to that which is all.


Excerpted from COFFEE CUP STAINS by Joy Olree Copyright © 2011 by Joy Olree. Excerpted by permission of Abbott Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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