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Behind the Eyes of a Shadow Girl
By M. R. Faith
AuthorHouseCopyright © 2015 M. R. Faith
All rights reserved.
ESTABLISHING MY PATH
From the time I was in my mom's tummy my granny knew I was going to be a very special person, a leader, a healer, and a helper to those in the world of the Christians. Granny absolutely loved me with all her heart. She never judged me for anything I said or did. I stayed at Granny's house all the time as I was growing up, it was my second home. We did things together, talked about everything and never hid anything from each other. Our favorite thing to do together was watch the Houston Astros playing live on television or listen to them on the radio. Granny absolutely adored baseball and so did I.
She was the most real, down to earth, Christian woman I have ever known. She was caring, loving, she had compassion for others, understanding, and never judged anyone but at the same time she was hard core and wasn't scared of anything. When kids now a day's get in trouble they get their electronics and cell phones taken away. But when we were kids at Granny's, she did not play a round. When we acted up at her house she would give us a warning then finally tell us to go outside and pick a branch from the tree in the middle of her yard. If it wasn't sufficient she would go outside herself and pick a bigger branch that had knots all over it. She would explain to us why we were in trouble and then the spanking commenced. She got our butts, arms, and legs. It didn't matter if we ran. She'd swing that switch at us then whack us harder I tell you what though for her to spank us meant we were really being little heathens.
One weekend when I was about 5 years old, granny had me over for the night. We were hanging out in the living room, granny sitting in her favorite rocking chair, knitting and I was on the couch next to her eating vanilla ice cream with crushed up cookies and m & m's. Lord have mercy! No wonder I was a fat little kid. There was a commercial on about Jesus. So granny asked me "do know who Jesus is?" I said, without blinking an eye, yes, of course I know who Jesus is. He is my brother and friend and God is our father. She seemed amazed so then she asked me if I knew what the bible was? I said yes again. I said "Granny, you know what? God has given me a gift to share with you. Do you want to know what it is?" She said "Tell me." Now ladies and gentlemen keep in mind that I was not one of the smartest kids by far, and I always had trouble learning in school and never could really grasp it all. Actually at 5 I couldn't even really read yet because I was behind for my age.
I explained to her that I've had these feelings of people around me, like when I would look at some of them I would see a light around them because they were one of God's children. Then I would look at some of them and I would see pure evil in them and that was the devil. I also told her at night when she prayed and read the bible that angels were standing around her.
"The last thing is that I know God's Word granny and he told me to tell you some of it". Then I began to quote scripture to her. The first thing I said was "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29: 11. Boy I tell you what I never saw my granny move so fast. She jumped up and ran across the living room and flipped open the bible to that passage I quoted. She was floored. She said, "ok, little lady, can you tell me another passage? Thinking maybe that I had heard that one from someone in the family, I said sure and told her "Out of the mouths of babes and infants you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and avenger." Psalms 8: 2. She sat down right where she was standing. She could not believe her own ears. She knew in her heart I was meant to do great things in life and the world but she never thought it was that anointed. I said "Granny all of us children have an idea about what we want to do when we grow up, like, I love fishing with my dad so I want to work with sea animals but that doesn't mean that is what my path is supposed to be."
"God has a plan for each and every one of us so you can choose to follow the path he gives you or go down your own path. Granny, he gave us free will to be able to make decisions on our own, but no matter what path you choose God will always set you straight in time. HE says that to trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6." Then I told her I knew all of this because God gave it to me as a gift to share with her.
God gave me a gift to lead my family to heavens gates and many other people in the world. We talked on about everything for hours and I will never forget that day. I've have always felt this connection with her and told her everything that I would not dare tell anyone else. The things I felt the things I saw and the things I did. I didn't share anything with another soul, not anyone else in my family or school like I did with her. I felt unloved, shunned, unwanted, & different from everyone else. The only one who truly listened to me and talked to me was granny. She truly believed in me and the things I spoke with her about and she never told anyone else what we talked about. Well, as far as I know of, because I was already having problems with life and my surroundings and she knew I didn't want anyone else to judge me more than they already did. I carried a lot of weight on my shoulders at a very young age, and as I grew I had no idea what my life was going to be like. When you're a small child you see things differently. You still have wants, dreams, inspirations and desires. That innocence is still there and you feel a range of emotions but it's different from the emotions of an adult. A child's innocence is a very precious gift that should be held onto as long as possible.CHAPTER 2
BEHIND THE EYES OF A CHILD
I didn't feel like a normal child. I saw life differently. I saw life around me, actual life, with a meaning. I saw the plants, the trees, the animals and even the spiders and that they were alive. It was very intriguing to just sit and watch the wind blow through the trees and listen to the sounds of the earth and the animals speaking. It was all just very soothing to me, more soothing than listening to my parents fighting and screaming at each other as I hid in the other room. Being outside relaxed me and made me feel at peace inside. I would sit on my front porch and sing to the ants and they would look at me and dance around as they went about their business I just saw it for what it was, God's creation.
Now back to the fighting thing. I was not from your typical good home. My parents fought constantly. They did not like one another. They yelled and screamed at me and my brother all of the time. There was a dark cloud of oppression over our home and every time you entered you could feel the tension in the air, the unhappiness, the broken heartedness and the fear of what was going to happen next. My parents were not happy and they tended to take it out on my brother and me. It's like we had to walk on egg shells around the house.
Now I know everyone got pops as a kid back when I was young. There were no time outs or taking away toys or electronics. It was bend over and be prepared to feel the burn! My mom would try to discipline us but it never worked. We knew our way around her so she would yell and scream then finally make us sit in the kitchen chairs in the living room till dad got home. By the time dad got home he was tired of hearing mom yell at him for what we did so he would not just pop our little behinds. He would beat us. By the time he was done with us we would have welts from the belt on our butt's and legs or wherever it got us if we did not hold still. He would talk down to us and tell us how pathetic and stupid we were and that we were a worthless bunch of kids. I knew that this came from the rage and anger he had built up inside. I know my dad loved us and afterwards he would feel bad about what happened so he always tried to make up for it by taking us on trips camping or whatever for instance Garner state park or New Braunfels with his friends. I absolutely loved camping and being outdoors. I was a bit of a tomboy growing up plus I just love being outside around the mountains the trees the grass the river. It is all just so very fascinating to me. And when I was outside I could hear everything. The sound of the world is so amazing when you actually stop and listen. It really made me appreciate the world and the life in it. It was the only time as a child I felt at peace.
Then when I was about six I saw my first scary people. My room was upstairs then so mom had put me to bed and I couldn't sleep. I would just lay there and listen to my parents fight and stare at the clown I had made in school that was hanging on my closet door. The closet door was closed. All the lights were off but I felt like something was in the room watching me. Then I heard shuffling in the closet. Of course I was scared of the dark and I wasn't going to open that door. Matter fact I would jump off my bed across the room to reach the light switch just to turn the light on at night so I could go to the restroom because the thing that lived under my bed and pulled on my feet at night was not going to get me. I heard the closest door begin to open. I laid there really still and pulled the covers up to my eyes like it wouldn't know I was there
Then a tall man and a tall skinny lady with hair past her butt came walking towards me with their arms held out in front of them. I don't know how I got to the door and downstairs but I did. I ran around screaming with my dad running behind me and my mom behind him with the broom for a good 10 minutes before they caught up to me. Needless to say they made me go back upstairs and investigate and found nothing but the closet door open. They said I made it up. I didn't ever sleep in that room again and eventually switched rooms later to the room down stairs that was the study and it became my permanent residence for years. I now believe the people and things that were under my bed when I was a child were my first interactions with demons ... Yes America, I said demons.
My family was an unusual group of people. We had our Christians, hippies, witches and ghost chasers. When I was about 8 years old my mom took me over to my grandma's house and there was my two cousins sitting on the floor playing the Ouija board and my me maw sitting in her chair watching. They told us to hurry up and come in and sit down. Now me maws house was behind a huge graveyard and there was always activity going on over there. I tell you what. I was one scared little white girl but it fascinated me. So we're sitting there on the couch watching my cousins play on the Ouija board and my mom and I just arrived and they were talking to one of my cousins' friends on the board. It was a ghost boy. I didn't know what to expect so I sat there quietly, with my eyes wide open, watching, right next to my mom. It started moving and they got all excited. He tells my one cousin something which I really don't know what it was because I didn't see the board but she did not like it and she told the boy to leave her alone and never come back. Next thing you know the Ouija board hovers up and goes flying across the living room. Everyone started screaming and flipping on lights and running around and I jumped up and yelled, "Satan leave this house and leave my family alone!" I don't know for sure why I did that but I think it was that little boy and he was really not a boy he was a demon trying to get hold of my cousin.
But back then I did not realize what a demon was. Back then I thought it was just a little ghost boy playing tricks on us. That night changed my reality and the way I saw the world for the rest of my young life. I felt compelled to fight the bad thing that happened that night and what I was feeling. I wanted to learn more about all of what was going on and I wanted them ghost boys or whatever it may have been to know I was fearless and I was going to kick their butts! I knew I had God on my side and they couldn't touch me but boy was I wrong. Now they couldn't physically touch me I knew but they could do other things to me. They will and can destroy you in any way possible.
From birth God had a plan for me and the devil knew it. Everything seemed fine so far in life. Normal stuff you know, well what I thought was normal. Until when I was 10, my brother and I were at my granny's house, and my dad showed up, sat down and told us that my mom and he were getting a divorce. My heart sank into my stomach and my eyes filled with tears. My family had now been torn apart. My world was coming down and crashing on top of me. I didn't understand why my parents did not want to be together or if it was something I had done or my brother. All I knew was I was no longer going to be able to see both my parents at night and have dinner together and do things together no more and prayers and hugs and love from both of them. It was hard to understand and it killed me inside. It broke me totally apart.
I had never felt any kind of pain like that in my young life. It was devastating news and I felt as if someone died. My emotions were all over the place and I wasn't sure how to handle this. About that point is when the negativity took place in my life. Neither of my parents had one good thing to say about the other and all they cared about was money. It was consuming them. They didn't have one thing to say nor do with us kids unless they had to so we stayed at home by ourselves night after night or at her granny's house. From there on out it's like they totally just forgot about my brother and I. It was like a tornado cutting through our lives. I began to become a rebel, didn't do what I was supposed to, but wouldn't want my brother to. I acted out at school. I didn't do my chores. I didn't want anything to do with anybody. I sheltered myself and withdrew from society and life. I didn't care about anything. I was miserable, depressed, oppressed and couldn't stand the thought of anything but my granny. Granny always found a way to make things better somehow but at home I just went through the motions. I watched television, played Nintendo, went outside and played with the neighbors kids, ate and went to bed. I had begun to feel the numb inside especially the feelings I had with God we're slipping away from me.
Then both parents remarried and had their own lives now, while my brother and I had to adapt not knowing really what to think, feel or do. We were two different families with new step-siblings thrown into the mix of things who were probably just as confused as we were with their different backgrounds. Hmm step-siblings, I could write a whole other book on that subject. Let's just say blood is thicker than water no matter how close you are to a person. Living in a house with my dad, brother, step mom and her two sons was an experience in itself. Dad did try to make things fun and take us on trips and let us have friends over and just basically do what we wanted. Trying to keep us all under control and not having total chaos all the time was a chore in itself.
We all went skating every weekend and my brother and I were on the speed team and did competitions. I actually loved that part. My dad and step mom were big time dancers and dad taught dance class every week, and he was really good at it. Yet again all us kids were left unattended. Dad would go fishing and hunting. He also had his own business so he was just a really busy man. I know for a fact he loved us and cared for us. He just didn't have time for us. Then my mom's house was totally different. My step dad's son was grown and already out of the house, so it was just the two of them and us when we were there. It was always quiet. Mom worked and so did he. They did their own things at night and on the weekends too.CHAPTER 3
WHEN DARKNESS FALLS
Over the next few years it was just kind of a fuzzy blur for the rest of my elementary school until 6th grade and it was a week before my 13th birthday. My life totally changed even worse than it had already been. Junior High year 6 grade and I was becoming a teen you would think leaving elementary school and going to junior high would be exciting for young lady and you think that it would be the prime time to enjoy your childhood out of elementary school finally starting to become a young adult almost in high school kids are excited about these kind of things. It's just something that should make you feel happy because you are at a new milestone in life but I wasn't happy about it at all. So one night I decided to sneak out and go to my friend's house. Her mom wasn't home and she had friends over hanging out. So I got there, and there was a bunch of people I didn't know and a lot of older guys. We hung out and talked. Some of them were drinking and carrying on with other things. It started getting really late so I decided I was going to go home. I told my friend bye and walked out the door and some guy came out afterwards I didn't know and said hey I can give you a ride home. I said I can walk. I only live a neighborhood over from here. He said, are you sure it's real late and I'm leaving anyways. Well not thinking it was a big deal I said ok and got in the Camaro with him.
Excerpted from Behind the Eyes of a Shadow Girl by M. R. Faith. Copyright © 2015 M. R. Faith. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
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Table of Contents
ContentsChapter 1 Establishing my path, 1,
Chapter 2 Behind the eyes of a child, 6,
Chapter 3 When darkness falls, 13,
Chapter 4 Boys are trouble, 24,
Chapter 5 Moving forward, 31,
Chapter 6 Crawling backwards, 35,
Chapter 7 The perfect storm, 43,
Chapter 8 Love strikes again, 47,
Chapter 9 Where do we go now?, 53,
Chapter 10 Blind Folded, 59,
Chapter 11 The future is calling, 63,
Chapter 12 The wakeup call from beyond, 70,
Chapter 13 Trials and tribulations, 80,
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
A must read for young girls and anyone struggling with their own inner demons. Truly inspiring!