Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think about Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think about Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

by Steve Harvey


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“Harvey offers surprising insights into the male mentality and gives women strategies for taming that unruly beast.”
Philadelphia Inquirer

“Women should listen to Steve Harvey when it comes to what a good man is about. Steve Harvey dispenses a lot of fabulous information about men.”
—Aretha Franklin

The #1 New York Times bestseller from the new guru of relationship advice, Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man is an invaluable self-help book that can empower women everywhere to take control of their relationships. The host of a top-rated radio show listened to by millions daily—and of cable TV’s The Steve Harvey Project—Harvey knows what men really think about love, intimacy, and commitment. In Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, the author, media personality, and stand-up comedian gets serious, sharing his wealth of knowledge, insight, and no-nonsense advice for every good woman who wants to find a good man or make her current love last.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780061728976
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 01/27/2009
Pages: 240
Sales rank: 101,621
Product dimensions: 5.80(w) x 8.40(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

The author of Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success; Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man; and Straight Talk, No Chaser, Steve Harvey began doing stand-up comedy in the mid-1980s. His success as a stand-up comedian led to the WB’s hit show The Steve Harvey Show, which has won multiple NAACP Image Awards. He was featured in Spike Lee’s film The Original Kings of Comedy. In addition to his nationally syndicated Steve Harvey Morning Show, Steve hosts a daily talk show on NBC, is the gameshow host for Family Feud and Celebrity Family Feud, and most recently NBC’s top rated new show, Little Big Shots. A philanthropist, he is the founder of the Steve and Marjorie Harvey Foundation. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia and Chicago, Illinois.



Read an Excerpt

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man

Chapter One

What Drives Men

There is no truer statement: men are simple. Get this into your head first, and everything you learn about us in this book will begin to fall into place. Once you get that down, you'll have to understand a few essential truths: men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make. No matter if a man is a CEO, a CON, or both, everything he does is filtered through his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the reward he gets for the effort (how much he makes). These three things make up the basic DNA of manhood—the three accomplishments every man must achieve before he feels like he's truly fulfilled his destiny as a man. And until he's achieved his goal in those three areas, the man you're dating, committed to, or married to will be too busy to focus on you.

Think about it: from the moment a boy is born, the first thing everyone around him starts doing is telling him what he must do to be a real man. He is taught to be tough—to wrestle, climb, get up without crying, not let anyone push him around. He is taught to work hard—to do chores around the house, get the groceries out of the car, take out the trash, shovel the snow, cut the grass, and, as soon as he's old enough, get a job. He is taught to protect—to watch out for his mother and his younger siblings, to watch over the house and the family's property. And he is especially encouraged to uphold his family name—make something of himself so that when he walks in a room, everybody is clear about who he is, what he does, and how much he makes. Each of thesethings is taught in preparation for one thing: manhood.

The pursuit of manhood doesn't change once a boy is grown. In fact, it's only magnified. His focus has always been on, and will remain on, who he is, what he does, and how much he makes until he feels like he's achieved his mission. And until a man does these things, women only fit into the cracks of his life. He's not thinking about settling down, having children, or building a home with anyone until he's got all three of those things in sync. I'm not saying that he has had to have made it, but at least he has to be on track to making it.

This is certainly how it worked for me. I'll never forget how disappointed, frustrated, and unhappy I was when, in my early twenties, I was laid off from the Ford Motor Company. I was already a college dropout, and now, without a job, I hardly had enough money to take care of myself, much less a family. This left me unsure of my future—what I was going to do, how much I was going to make, and what my title would be. The titles "college graduate" and "Ford inspector" were gone; having no job pretty much meant that my chances of bringing home a good paycheck were zero; and I hadn't a clue how I was going to make money. It took me a while to find my footing. I dabbled in various jobs: I owned a carpet cleaning business; I sold carpet; I sold Amway products, the Dick Gregory Bahamian Diet, and ALW Insurance and Commonwealth Insurance. It was madness what I was doing to try to get my life together. Finding someone serious to settle down with was the absolute last thing on my mind.

Then, one night a woman for whom I used to write jokes encouraged me to go to a local comedy club and sign up for amateur night. See, I knew I was funny, and I made a few dollars—very few dollars—writing material for up-and-coming local comedians who were trying to find their way into the industry. But I hadn't a clue, really, how to go about getting into the business for myself. Still, this woman saw something in me and told me to take the stage.

So I did. And I killed. I won $50—which today may not seem like a lot of money, but when I was broke at that time, it felt like $5,000—for telling jokes. I also was guaranteed another fifty dollars if, as the winner, I opened the following week's amateur night competition. The next day, I went to a printer and spent fifteen dollars of my winnings on business cards that, along with my phone number, read: Steve Harvey. Comedian. They were flat and flimsy and didn't have any raised lettering, but those business cards announced that I was Steve Harvey (who I am), and that I had a special talent in comedy (what I do). How much I was going to make remained to be seen, but at least I had the "who I am" and the "what I do" lined up.

If men aren't pursuing their dreams—if we're not chasing the "who we are," the "what we do," and the "how much we make," we're doomed. Dead. But the moment that we figure out the puzzle and feel like our dreams are taking shape, new life breathes into us—it makes us vibrant, enthuses, and animates us. From the moment I became a comedian, I stepped onto that stage ready to be the very best.

Even today, no matter how tired I am, no matter what is going on in my life, I am never late for work, and I've never once missed a gig. Why? Because when I wake up, my dream is in check; I'm living it out live and in color every day, whether it's on the radio during the Steve Harvey Morning Show, or on television with my various projects, or onstage, during my Steve Harvey Live shows. Who I am is certain—I'm Steve Harvey. What I do is certain: comedy. And how much I make is right in line with what I've always wanted for my family and me.

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Copyright (c) by Steve Harvey . Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

Table of Contents

3712 4 "We Need to Talk," and

4911 2 Why

5 First Things F

6112 6 Sports Fish vs. Keepers: How Men D

6912 7 Mama's

8512 8 Why Men Cheat

3 The Playbook: How to Win the Game12 9 Men Re

11512 10 The Five Questions Every Woman Should Ask Before She Gets in Too

12912 11 The

14712 12 If H

16312 13 Strong, Independent-and Lonely- Women 17912

14 How to Get the Ring 19312 15 Quick Answers to the Questi

20501 Acknowledgments 231

What People are Saying About This

Aretha Franklin

“Women should listen to Steve Harvey when it comes to what a good man is about. Steve Harvey dispenses a lot of fabulous information about men. It’s more than the average man will usually tell you. Steve Harvey will give it up.”

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ACT Like a Lady, Think Like a Man 4.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 1324 reviews.
beart72 More than 1 year ago
Okay.. so there is validity to the information Steve says about men being very simplistic, the three P's as he refers... If women have low self esteem and have no requirements for how men treat them and no expectations of their dates then maybe this could be a useful read for them. Women definitely need to limit the crap they put up with and scratch men off their potential list if men can't raise the bar. Steve suggest why would you want this man if he cannot show he's "all in", but really, it does not drive home to women they are worth more than the man who's not "all in". The Book "He's Just Not That Into You" is far better with all of this! After my laughing through the first 55 pages of obvious anecdotes about men and how they think (women get a clue) the next 172 pages felt like Steve writing an excuse and justification for why he once cheated on his wife.. This book contradicts itself so many time it's head shakeable, suggesting one thing and then suggesting it again completely different. I know Steve has come across all kinds of people in his line of work but perhaps his cushioned lifestyle that he's had these many years now has given him a false sense of what real dating these days is like. He's writing the book as a tool for us women to use to get a man and hopefully keep him from cheating on us, therefore I guess he felt absolutely no responsibility to also suggest (accept for one line) that not only should women turn on the honey for the "cookie" (physical intimacy) and to keep their partners but men should as well. Yeah, perhaps if you are a stay home wife/mother you can heed all the advise herein suggesting that you date yourself back to the Leave It To Beaver Days, but if you are a hard working woman who's also bringing home the bacon, it takes two to tango the home into cookie giving harmony. The language it's written in is so elementary it will not challenge your vocabulary at all. The book, if you can get it 2nd hand for a few bucks is worth a read, dropping $25 to read 225 pages of excuses for an affair is not worth the money. Again there is validity to Steve's words, that men have basically not evolved much past caveman days, but I'd say... Steve it's been a long time since you have been on the market, not only have I seen some men who've slightly evolved beyond what you suggest but I also know that women are not the only one's who need to keep up the sweet appreciations towards their partners.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book, written by funny man Steve Harvey, is about letting women into the male's mind, how he thinks, why he ticks like he does. The author knows his stuff and simply puts it out there for all of us. It's a good read that is at times eye-popping. I'd recommend this to my girlfriends, that's for sure.
Fee36 More than 1 year ago
This book was real. It wasn't sugar-coated. It was straight to the point and directed at the reader. Simply stated, it was Steve in written format. It confirmed that my speculations, sometimes called paranoia, were on point. It was refreshing to hear this from a man, a real man, who cares enough to help us women out because, frankly, some of us really need it. For those of us who didn't have active fathers or big brothers, to educate us, this book will do it no matter what age you are. It is cut and dry, very simple to understand, and should not leave you with any question or confusion. Personally, I thought Steve will catch alot of flack from men, but if they are real men, that actually care about women and the state of relationships today, I believe they will support him. This is a great read, you can't go wrong, and if you start to slip go back and read it again!
1WEva More than 1 year ago
New York Times Best-Selling author Steve Harvey's Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man Addresses what men really think about love, relationships, intimacy and commitment. The book jacket pictures Steve with a wry, knowing smile perhaps from his work as a comedian but now a syndicated talk show host. Harvey states that everything is in the introduction but reveals some of the basic points. Somewhere he becomes serious and lures the reader by sporting wisdom gained through his 50 years in becoming a man, a son whose parents celebrated 64 years of marriage, and a father. He talked with athletes, movie stars, brokers, bankers, truckers, ex-cons, and hustlers - all of whom think in a similar way. Harvey has also consulted a wide range of women - those who can run a small business, keep a household with children, or chair a church group. Women who seek good men but have to know the signs when they meet one and know how to keep their relationship thriving. There are lists every woman needs to consider to determine a man's seriousness and lessons on how to spot a "mama's boy" whose mother controls their relationship. From focus group sessions Harvey discusses the fundamental differences between the sexes. Men keep life simple and their love is expressed in a basic manner. A man's love is shown in three fundamental ways: to profess, provide, and protect his lady. He professes his love for her to everyone who might doubt this, provides money for rent, heat light car and food, and protects her honor from disrespect from anyone and he eliminates her access to dangerous tasks. She does not have to ask for her due and should always reward him with praise for his tangible show of love. What defines a man is who he is - his title, what he does - his job, and his reward - his salary. Until he has three all in check he is too busy to focus on a woman. This is his check for manhood, his dream, and is always a check as to whether his "house is in order." A man wants and needs to be the best in some arena somewhere. He needs appreciation, support, and loyalty which ultimately build trust. Harvey addresses why men run away from a relationship and why they cheat a major concern at this time. While a woman is kind and compassionate, patient, nurturing and generous, she ultimately bestows her love unconditionally. A lady needs to set and keep standards. Harvey uses an analogy of being employed by a major corporation.. Just as Ford puts him through a three-month probationary period to prove himself for final acceptance with all benefits, a lady needs to do the same and not be quick to dole out the "cookie" until a man shows his intentions. Both "players" know about the "cookie" reward. Does a man want a "keeper" or is he playing a woman who has no standards or self-respect. For example, she should be appropriately dressed at all times, should allow no touching, coach him on opening heavy doors, and seating her at a table. With a classic style like that of many published authors, Harvey employs the 'KISS' delivery of keeping his message simple with various brief but illustrative scenarios. Every woman, from debutante (including their escorts), and single mothers with children can get the truth in one to two sittings with his affordable book which comes highly recommended.
squigglie More than 1 year ago
Great book that I read in three days! Steve Harvey gives practical advice on what men really want and expect from a lady.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read the book in about 5 hours, which brings me to what I most loved about the book... It was to the point. A lot of self help books are packed with a lot of fluff and reiterating - you have to read about 3 chapters just to get down to the nitty gritty. Not Steve's book. He was very insightful, and when I finished the book, I knew exactly what I needed to do... Rid myself of Fear!

Also, I am now crystal clear on why men behave the way they do. And I understand why things in my past relationships happened the way they did.
Explanation + Understanding = Inner Peace! Yes!

Thanks Steve!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
ltyflds More than 1 year ago
I read this book in two days, would have finished sooner, if I didn't have to go to work. Steve is letting women know the constant mistakes we make, how helpful from a man's point of view!
satisfied-reader More than 1 year ago
This book was an instant hit for me. As a man, I was worried that Mr. Harvey had given us a bad name and or a misrepresentation. However, you will find the truth of the simplistic nature of the men that you deal with daily. In addition men will find in these pages hidden the insinuated guide of what a real woman that is a "keeper," is like and how she will act. As much as it may hurt, if you are ready to give up "the game," you will find the description of what to look for (in general) in between the cover of this book. I highly recommend it, especially for the utility found in the last chapter of the book. Women and Men take note. Steve Harvey is speaking and telling the truth.
Rhoyalty More than 1 year ago
I purchased this book Friday evening at 6pm. It's Monday morning at 8pm and have about 30 pages to go. I just wanted to let you all know that this book is worth the money!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book totally held my interest from start to finish. I simply did not want to put it down. It is funny, makes you really think about your previous actions towards the opposite sex. It makes you think what can I do to be more like what these men are saying they want in a woman! It gives insight into the man's mind, his true wants and needs, and how to go about getting a man that you want to have in your live. You might not like what it has to say at times or how it compairs to your previous actions or words but you will be able to see where you might have gone wrong in previous relationships. It truely was so good that I bought it for both of my daughters.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Excellent book. A must read for every woman. I wish some of the things Steve Harvey says werem't true, but they are and too many women are hiding their heads in the sand when they could be taking better charge of their relationships. Thanks, Mr. Harvey!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Overall, this is an excellent read for women. It is written by a man, so there's much to tell us. If you are having trouble in the men department, give this one a whirl. It's really helped me out.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is an insightful and easy read. This book provides knowledge that every woman's father should share with her. If nothing else is provides great insight from the male perspective.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read this relatively short (about 250 pages) book that was very clear, in plain English, and helpful! I actually tried the 90 day rule and it works (unfortunately the relationship didn't, but at least I found out within 90 days)! I recommend this book to all ladies, especially single women.
HighlyFavored More than 1 year ago
I understand what Mr. Harvey is conveying, however I only know one or two men that resemble the real man he speaks so highly of. My father, being one of them. This is a training manual for folks in their 20's who are still pretty stupid and just do not know it. I can say that because like most 20-somethings, I too was dumb as a box of rocks but thought I was smart. You do not get to the stage that Mr. Harvey is speaking of until you reach your mid 30's...that's if you have pulled your head out of your butt by then. Most men do not agree with being the kind of man he speaks of in this book. It takes big balls to become the man he is talking about; the kind who really gets it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
To keep it short, I learned how simple men are to keep happy. And that woman are soo much more confusing!
Icebreaker87 More than 1 year ago
This book for young women who have been faced with the enigma of men. This is the perfect solution! It's fun, an easy, fast read and very thought provoking.
Unicornkd More than 1 year ago
There are so many books out there on relationships that I don't even bother unless they are written from a Christian point of view on how to have a good marriage. My mom saw Steve Harvey on Oprah talking about this book and suggested I go get it because I'm having problems in my marriage. I bought the book that same day and read it that same night. I told my mom if I had this book before I got married this time or the first time, I would still be single. I knew about the flirting techniques but the treatment and what it means that opened my eyes to just how disrespectful my husband really is to me. Now after reading that book I let him know exactly how I feel. I plan on keeping this book as my eldest daughter is about to turn 13 and is already boy crazy. She will read this book before I allow her to date (that won't be until she is 18) so she is prepared for what boys and men will come at her with. I don't want her to end up with a man who can't love and respect her. Nor treat her like the queen God created her to be. Thanks Steve! You have made a big difference in my life and I believe in the lives of many other women. Ladies, read this before you go out on another date looking for that "husband". Mom's give it to your daughters so they will know the signs. Married women, read it, see where your husband falls and get it straight. By the way, I think Steve may have raised the divorce rate with this one.
Cosette More than 1 year ago
I think Steve Harvey hits it right on about how men truly are & how they think. I learned so much from this book. I lent it to my sister & she liked it so much I let her keep my copy. I went out & bought myself another copy of it. So if any women really wants to know what men think & why they act the way they do this book is the best to help us understand them. It's a real eye opener & page turner. I read the book in one night because I couldn't put it down. Men make so much more sense to me now. Thanks to Steve I understand why men act the way they do sometimes.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love the book and the movie so so much
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Ay this movie is so funny if yu havent seen it its a must see movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It always helps when a person writes from a man's perspective and keeps it in the realm of common sense.
AngelinaRose More than 1 year ago
I read this book on a business trip and was sharing the information and jokes he uses in the book. It was awesome. Would recommend this book to anyone.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I have read this book, three times and still holding on to the book; I called my boyfriend and told him he should read this book: